Grateful for

The night I went into labor, I was beyond excited.  I felt good, I had time to take a shower, I was preparing myself mentally for what was about to happen. 

I was calm.  Cool.  Collected.

Except for one thing. 

When I watched my beautiful little girl sleep, I was overcome with tears.  As much as we had looked forward to and prayed for a sibling, I had immense guilt in that moment that she would no longer be my only baby.  The single center point of her Mommy's world. 

I didn't want to wake her, but I also didn't want to leave without saying goodbye.

So I laid in bed with her, cradled that two-and-a-half year old body and told her how much I loved her.  How lucky I was that God selected me to be her mommy.  How much I'd treasured our time together.  I hugged her and smelled her hair and held her precious little hands in my own, and tears just streamed down my face.

She never fully woke. 

But I can't ever forget: I asked her if she was excited to have a baby brother, and the sweet thing smiled, nodded and muttered, "mmm-hmmm."  Then she turned and snuggled into me. 

There is something special about being the first, an she will forever be mine.  I couldn't be more grateful for the incredible little person she is.