29 Weeks

He's Incredible. 

(It's okay to be biased.)

Solids and the fourth child.

Its one of my very favorite parts of the first year.  

Solids.  Oh, they're so stinkin fun!  

In our house, a baby always begins solids on carrots.  I'm not really sure why, exactly.  Probably because we're creatures of extreme habit, so we like to carry on in a consistent fashion.

Whether it's 2010 or 2017, beginning solids means a trip to Whole Foods and a reunion with a few faithful old friends.

It should probably be noted that even my hand blender is tired and thinks we'd better not have any more kids.  This baby, which has prepared virtually every meal all my babies have ever eaten, is definitely on its last legs.  

But still managed to get the job done!

My favorite part of beginning solids is the faces.  Both from the parents and the tiny baby.

That's it.  That's the face.  Why would you do that to me?!

A few more...

Oh yes.  Carrots is a success!

And, because we can't resist a good trip down memory lane...

Her bib sums it up:  Happy.

22 Weeks

 My fancy guy.

Five months old (yesterday).  

Love, love that bow-tie boy.

A letter to my son

Sweet boy,

You won't remember the day like I do.  The day I walked (and walked and walked) and prayed and talked to you and smiled throughout one whole night and another whole day.  You won't remember how I whispered to you over and over again, encouraging you and wishing you into the world.  You won't remember the monumental effort it took to get you out, or the the way I laughed and cried when I finally (FINALLY!) saw your little face.

You won't remember how much I cherished you in that warm hospital blanket.

You won't remember the sleepless year that followed.  The thousands of kisses.  The belly laughs.  The first bites of food.  You won't remember how I watched, breathless, as you took your first steps.

It is my honor as your mother to carry the moments you'll never remember for both of us, allowing them to lay the path on the road to the man you are meant to be.  YOU are going to be something else, my wonderful son.  

At five, you are beloved of everyone who meets you.  You bring smiles and joy.  You give the very best hugs.  You are so funny, full of motion and sometimes even wild.  Your grin, with its missing front tooth, lights up every room you enter.  

I love you with a fierce devotion that defies measurement.  I see the way you have grown in this last year, the way your puffy hands and legs have lengthened and become strong and certain.  I love them at five; but it is a love that carries with it the memory of tiny fingers, of chubby, wobbly legs and a soft body that once sought comfort and rest inside my embrace. 

  You are growing into the most amazing you.  I'm so grateful to get to be a part of it.  

All my love and hugs, precious boy,

xoxo

Mommy

20 weeks, stats and updates

So this definitely should have been in my post last week, but Mr. Luke weighed in at a whopping 16.13 lbs at his four month check up. Almost four pounds heavier than my last child at this age, but still smaller than his brother.  And, also: Leah.

His ginormous head is off the charts.  They stop measuring at the 99th percentile, so that's where he officially ranks.  In reality, it sits fairly high above that growth arc.

He sleeps so well through the night.  I'm such a lucky momma.  He falls asleep easily between 6:30 and 7, wakes to eat when I go to bed between 10:30 and 11, and usually sleeps until around 2.  It's fantastic.

But, to reassure you that there are no perfect humans, his nap schedule sucks.  This child cannot get over the 45 minute sleep cycle, and would currently prefer to take 5-6 naps per day and still be cranky at me after each one.  You know... because 45 minute naps suck for all involved!

I keep thinking he is going to pop a tooth or two, but so far, he continues to be a drooly, mouthy hot mess of gums.  But, he does give amazing kisses, so we'll forgive him.

He is rolling.  His favorite place to sleep is on his side, so long as he doesn't accidentally roll onto his stomach in his sleep.

He's just my favorite tiny person.  I love that chunky monkey so!

19 Weeks

A letter to my daughter

My darling precious one,

I never tire of this statement, so I'll utter it again: I cannot believe that we have come to another birthday.

In my heart, you are still my tiny girl.  My little Livvy, who loves to snuggle, who holds my hand every morning when we go down the stairs, who loves being a baby.  You have fought hard this last year to remain little, taking your time with your babyhood in everything from the adorable, lispy way you pronounce your words to the stature of your tiny frame.  You finally grew into your 18 month swimsuit this summer at nearly three.

But then, just as quickly, you grew out of it, which is pretty telling as to the way this is going to go.  No matter how desperately I wish we could hold onto this special time when you are still sweet, little, and mine, you must go forward into that big future that you will get to bravely conquer and subdue.

You still have your cute baby legs and your round tummy.  Your big blue eyes and bigger giggle. Your wispy, baby curls. There are so very many things about you that I treasure.

You love to sing, and turn everything into song.  You are pretty good at throwing a ball.  You play wonderfully with your siblings, and so well by yourself, too.  You can sit and color for literally hours.  It is amazing, actually.  You always want me to play with you, read to you, sing to you or watch whatever you are doing.  I desperately wish life worked in such a way that I could answer YES! each time you ask.

You are sweet and patient, loving and sassy.  You are exactly the girl our family needs.

Thank you, my big girl, for the incredible blessing of being your mother.  For three years of joy and laughter.  You are a wonderful, BIG miracle.

I love you to the moon and back,

xoxo
Mommy

16 Weeks

8 weeks

7 Weeks

He's getting cuter, snugglier and more delightful all the time. 

6 Weeks

It may seem a bit excessive to take a photo every week.

I decided to undertake this project partly for purely selfish reasons, and partly for very practical ones.

On the selfish front: well, he's my very last little sweetheart!  This time is so, so very precious to me, and it is gone in the blink of an eye.  My hope is that by drawing it out a little; by pausing every week to marvel at the little miracles that come with being Luke's mommy, I will better remember this very hectic and wonderful time in his life.  In my life, too.

On the practical front: he's the fifth child, people.  If I don't really stop and intentionally remember to photograph him, pictures of his birth will be lumped in with photos of his high school graduation.

So, just for fun, here's a bonus.  Because, who needs more Luke?

Who doesn't need more Luke?!

2 weeks

Two weeks have passed in a bit of a haze.  I can't believe how fast time goes once they are here!

Luke is such a good baby.  I know I'm not supposed to brag, but (character flaw!) I'm going to anyway: He sleeps!  SO WELL!!!  He goes 4-5 hours between feedings through the night, and although he does like to get up between 4 and 5 a.m., I will take the win.

He never cries.  Seriously.  He gives a few little whimpers here and there, and is otherwise entirely sweet and content.  We've dubbed him the World's Best Baby.

We got some half-hearted little smiles this week, which are adorable.  And you can see in his response that he likes the reaction he gets when he smiles.  I've watched his little face as he tries to manipulate his muscles to recreate the smile, tiny as he is.  They are amazing little creatures.

On the healing front: well, I'm still not.  I'm not even close.  My biggest accomplishment this week was showering and putting on clothes by myself.  In fact, I may have had a little melt down in the doctor's office when I had to admit that I needed more pain medication, because I'm no further along down the healing road than I was the day I left the hospital.  It was hard to hear the words out loud.  I can't come close to keeping up with all my people; in fact, I can hardly even walk.  The doctor reminded me that, after the year spring we've had and all the physical and emotional stress, it is okay to give myself lots of grace, and to expect extra time to heal.  All of that, she reminded me kindly, has taken its toll on my body.

Casey is doing an awesome job of holding down the fort.  The four kids are a lot of work!  I've been so blessed and lucky to have him home... Luke and I have made a cozy home for the past two weeks in the master bedroom - and literally nowhere else!  It is such a delight to have the time to watch his expressions and stroke his little face.  My last tiny precious one - what a tiny blessing!

A letter to my daughter

My sweetheart,

There is love that is spoken of in books.  Love that is portrayed in movies and acted out on the stage.  Love that inspires songs and poetry.  There is a love you feel when you stand in a white dress, hand in hand with the gallant knight you've naively chosen to pledge your life and your heart to.

And then there is a love that is altogether... different.

It's not bigger, necessarily, but it defies categorization.  It leaves you without adequate words to convey its breadth and depth.  It is a love you'll never truly understand until you carry a human inside you; until you feel the warmth of tiny, new fingers wrapped around your own; experience the joy of arms flung with wild abandon around your neck and the most magic words whispered in your ear: I love you, Mommy.  

It is a love that changes the very core of who you thought you were.

Every year as we come to this milestone of your birthday, I wish I could better capture the essence of who you are.  I wish I could commit to memory every single thing about you, because I know that even as I type this, you are changing, evolving, edging ever closer to the woman God designed you to become.  I cannot stop this - I wouldn't, even if I could (though my mommy's heart would like to) - so all I can do is breathe in deeply and soak up this moment and enjoy who you are right now.

Because who you are?  It is magic.

I am so very, very proud of my big girl, with your strong ideas, kind heart, and joyful spirit.  Keep learning, my baby.  Keep dreaming.  Keep trusting and following where He leads.  Keep caring and hoping.  Keep growing.

Most of all, keep on being you, and know that you will always have a cheerleader.

Thank you for the gift of being your mom.

I love you always,

xoxo Mommy

(And, I stand by all that I wrote last year.  I may never say it better or more completely - it's still true!)

Kid Update: Logan

Our wonderful Logan boy is almost four and a half.  In some ways, I can't believe that time has gone so fast.  In others, I have always felt that he is much older than his years, and in many ways his little body is just catching up with where he has been all along.  

I have learned so much about men after having a little boy. Boys are boys, right from the beginning, and Logan is no exception.  He is wiggly and wild, likes to climb and is constantly in motion. 

He is strong and brave, loves his sisters and is so tender and sweet with them, but also has that boy energy that needs to come out; that big man's desire for respect tied up in a little body.  He loves cars and tractors and anything with wheels, Star Wars, superheroes and things that fight.  The girls' baby dolls hold no interest from him (though they did once) and doesn't want to play kitchen with his sisters (though he can be persuaded like a good brother).  

Yep, we're raising a future man.

When he was 18 months old, he zigged when he should have zagged in the bathtub, and ended up breaking part of his front tooth against the faucet.  In July, we finally had to have the tooth extracted.  Logan was a champ - seriously, like the bravest kid ever.  No tears, no fear, nothing - about the whole process, and now his cute little smile includes a gap that will be with him for the next several years until his adult tooth takes its place.

He started preschool this year.  Really, his second round of preschool.  We did a very light schedule when he was three because he so badly wanted to "do school" like a big kid.  He excels in school, and is doing amazing things.  

At four, he does all the CC memory work with us (math, geography, English grammar, Latin, history, science, and timeline).  His memory is amazing.  When I started Leah, she was four and a half, and I skipped two subjects her first year because I didn't want to overwhelm her.  Logan has done all seven subjects with flying colors, and knows solidly half of them at 100%.  It's impressive.  

I also started him on some serious kindergarten math, and slowly, a few sight words.  Because, holy moly, he's ready for it.  I will never take for granted the privilege of being here to witness the educational journeys of my children in the special ways I am privy to!

I adore his personality.  Like his big sister, he loves adults and will often prefer to "buddy up" to them instead of kids his own age.  I routinely get awesome reports from his teachers at church that he is helpful and kind, wanting to make sure that every kid has something to play with or enough snack.  He likes to help pass out materials if they are doing a project.  He loves to help at home, and virtually without complaint will help with anything from making my coffee in the morning, to washing windows, preparing dinner or helping with laundry.  He makes his own bed every morning and is responsible about taking care of clothes and toys.

He loves taking care of his sister, and they are so sweet to watch together.  Although often she takes advantage of him and tries to take his stuff.  And every now and again, he likes to pull rank and boss her around, none of which goes over very well.  Kids.  

The reality is, we don't have much bickering in our house.  We have kids.  We have a family, made up of different personalities, wants and needs, and we are all constantly together.  But the amazing thing is that they so genuinely enjoy one another's company that the overwhelming majority of the time, they all figure it out pretty seamlessly.  It is both humbling and impressive to watch.  

Well...Much of the time, anyway.  Considering we're all just a bunch of stubbornly sinful humans in need of lots of grace!

He is so, so, so beyond excited about having a brother.  He does awesome with the girls, and truly is one of the most gentle and considerate brothers I've seen.  But... that boy-ness.  It begs for a companion! He loves having Jake around, but it will be awesome for him to have a brother close in age to rough house and climb and spend his childhood with.  I was pretty neutral on the gender front, but for little Logan's sake there was just a tiny piece of me that was hoping for a boy to even out our household.  

It has been a pretty fun journey with this sweet little guy. 

It's a noisy, fast-paced journey that is continually in motion. 

 And we're loving being a part of it. 

A letter to my daughter.

My wonderful Leah,

Someone wiser than me once said that the season of parenting is full of long days and short years.

As I watch you in the days leading up to your sixth birthday, I am aware of how long your arms and legs have become.  How confidently you move your body, without the wobbly or tentative movements that characterize little ones.  I notice the way your face has thinned, your eyes have become more earnest, and that it has become more difficult to spot traces of the tiny baby face I used to see all the time.

Your words are wise.  You are thoughtful, bright, and talented.  You know your mind and hold fast to your convictions.  You can ride a bike without training wheels, read a book without assistance, add and subtract or recite the presidents and spout Bible verses from memory.  You know and can do so many things.  Real things that leave me breathless with wonder at the beautiful girl journeying to the woman she will become.

Six is a serious number.

I sometimes try to picture what the years ahead will bring.  Will you be skinny and athletic like your mom as a pre-teen?  What will your voice sound like when you squeal that you've passed your drivers test?  How tall will you be when you cross that stage in your cap and gown?

These are the mysteries that lay before us, my beautiful girl, that only time can unravel.  But there are a few things I hope for you as you step into that future.

I hope for the kind heart I see in you to remain firmly in place.  Keep it; nurture it.  Don't ever turn your back when someone is in need.  You are sensitive to the pains of the world and the aching you find in others, and I can see already that God is calling you in mighty ways to bless and serve.  You are a cheerleader at heart; quick to celebrate the successes of your siblings and your friends, to offer an encouraging word, to believe in those who do not believe in themselves.  This is a powerful, necessary and severely undervalued gift.  Grow in it.

Don't wait to be perfect.  You won't be.  Not ever... and it's okay.  Although you are capable of so much and I always want you to do your best, if perfection is your goal, you will be continually disappointed.  Satisfaction isn't found in perfection, it is found in the lessons you learn and the mountains you overcome in the midst of imperfection.  It is found in realizing that you can do something today that seemed impossible yesterday.  It is cultivated by stepping out in faith to do the right thing even when that is terrifying.  He doesn't call us to be perfect; only to be willing.

Choose joy.  Happy people aren't that way by accident.  Every day, despite all circumstances, you have a choice to make about how you see the world.  Will you be burdened by the difficulty of life?  Or will you let the happy robin hopping across the lawn bring a smile to your face?  Little things are big things, when you see them in the light of God's glorious purpose and grace.  When you take time to notice what fills you up with beauty, goodness and delight, the process of living is just so much more fun - even in difficult times.  I hope you always choose joy.

Live from a place of being deeply loved.  And deeply known.  And always accepted.  Remember that you are uniquely gifted by someone who loves you and wants you to be fulfilled.  Someone who prepared ahead of time good things for you to have and be and do.  Live an abundant life out of the overflow of that love, understanding always that you are valued and valuable just as you are.  And when life gets tough (and it will) and you feel alone (and you will), there is a place where you can come to be heard, understood, lifted up and refreshed.  That place is called home.

Leah, you are a blessing and a joy.  Even when my days are long, I am so aware of how fast these years are going.  I am so happy I get to be here to watch you struggle and succeed, to love and live and laugh and grow and change.  I hope we will be friends, just as we are now, for all the days of our lives.

Thank you for the gift of being your mom.

I love you always,

xoxo Mommy

      

Livvy: fifteen months

My sweet girl.  I have said it before, and it's just so true every time we go through it: I LOVE one!

They are too hilarious, precocious and adorable the whole year.

Olivia began walking just a few days after the 15 month mark, making her my latest walker of the bunch.  She isn't much of a talker, either.  Where Leah and Logan both had somewhere around 50 words or more, she has just a small handful.  Primarily, "MAMA!"

I asked the pediatrician about her words, and she told me that it's no surprise if a third or subsequent child is a later talker or walker.  Obviously, it's not a "one size fits all" situation, but third children have more siblings around who will pick them up and talk for them, so it happens quite often.

She loves to make animal noises, however.  She knows duck, dog, monkey, lion, tiger, elephant, cow, pig and a few more.  She loves to find animals in books.

Speaking of books, her favorite book is Olivia, and every time we get to the part where Olivia paints on the walls, she says, "Uh-oh!"

Even though she's not much of a talker, she is definitely eager to communicate.  She grunts, points, uses sign language and gesticulates like crazy.  If you don't happen to understand what she's saying, she will absolutely lose her crap on you and start yelling, screaming, kicking and throwing herself every which way.  I kid you not.

Actually, there's rather a lot of yelling and crying in Livvy world.  It's hard to be a baby!  Especially when all you want in the whole world is to be an only child and have Mom all to yourself... but in reality, you're the third child.  If she's not entertained, she spends the whole day following me around, crying and begging me to pick her up.  And Heaven forbid I should try to go to the bathroom on my own.  Yowza.

She has finally begun to branch out, and will let other people hold her for short periods of time.

Although, she is still insistent on being with me.  Her favorite spot to be by far is perched on my hip.  If I try to pick her up any other way, she pushes me and shifts herself so that she's straddling my left hip.  It's the best way to travel.

She is pretty good at keeping herself busy.

Of course, I've also gotten wiser over the years about the things that will occupy a new toddler.

The sorting, exploring, pulling things out and finding ways to get into anything they can.

I've got your number, kid!

She is an awesome sleeper, napping for 2.5-3 hours and sleeping from 7 to 7, quite often longer.  I am sooooooo grateful that this one sleeps.  She demands a lot of attention during her waking hours, but is easy to put to bed and almost never needs me in the middle of the night.

She absolutely adores her blanket, and will not go to sleep without it.  She pulls it up over her face to go to sleep.

Speaking of sleep, she sucks her thumb, but literally only as she is falling asleep.  And the blanket has to be over her head.

She holds the blanket with her fingers, and puts the thumb in her mouth.  Otherwise, it's no deal.

She has 8 teeth in, plus she's in the process of getting several more, including those molars.  She is the world's worst teether; it can take literally a month for a new tooth to push through.  And she's miserable the entire time.

This baby loves to dance!  She will grin and wiggle and shake her groove thang as soon as she hears music.  It's adorable.

She's the perfect midway between Leah and Logan, both in terms of looks and in personality.  She is feisty and loud and demanding like brother.  She does things on her own terms.  She loves animals.  But she also loves letters like Leah.  Loves to help tidy up and put things away. Follows directions.  And, of course, isn't super social, where Logan was a social butterfly.  And, like her brother, she never ever stops chattering all day long.

And, those siblings of hers are her world.  Her very best friends.

She wears 12 month clothing, size 3 diapers and size 3 or 4 shoes.  She's just itty bitty, in the 18th percentile for weight.  Her head is only in the 85th percentile - which, for a child of mine is tiny!

On her good days and her bad days, we are just so grateful for this little one.  She brings so much joy to our family, and we know we're lucky to have her!