Kid Update: Leah

Sweet Miss Leah.

Leah is one month away from becoming a seven year old.  At (nearly) seven, she is so very many things: hard working, an excellent big sister, kind, compassionate, opinionated, playful, serious, stubborn, mature, empathetic, a care-taker, a Jesus lover... I could go on. 

She is my little mother.  She loves her siblings, loves to help me and to hold leadership roles both in a classroom setting and particularly within our family.

She is wise well beyond her years.  She is capable of an enormous amount of empathy and compassion, of maturity, sense of justice and right and wrong, of  incredible talents, intense intelligences and high aspirations.  

The development of each of these traits is incredible to witness.  

One thing I have not discussed openly is our struggle with her giftedness.  It sounds like such a contradiction in terms - which is why I haven't talked about it before: she is highly, highly gifted.  And it's really hard.

To even give the sense that we are complaining about this giftedness seems, to many, as if we were complaining about having won the lottery.  She is immensely talented, and will be intellectually able to literally do anything she wants, her whole life long.  Boo-hoo, right?

That being said, giftedness generally - but this level of giftedness particularly - leads to a number of emotional intensities and special needs that require an immense amount of time, patience, wisdom and grace; often that push me to the very ends of my own limitations.

She is a perfectionist to a paralyzing degree.  I'll never forget listening to her on the baby monitor in the middle of the night.  At not even one year old, she would wake up at all hours and practice enunciating words that had given her particular trouble during the day.  She wanted those suckers to be perrrr-fect.  And nothing less would suffice.

She has never lost that sense of determination, nor has she lessened the standards to which she holds herself.  It leads to an enormously debilitating internal struggle: if she even senses the chance to make a mistake, she can become so overwhelmed and frustrated she will not even make an attempt.  Or, frequently, that sense of being overwhelmed creates explosive feelings that she literally can't deal with, followed by outbursts that are destructive and ugly.  It doesn't matter if she could do it - the mere suggestion that something might interfere with her perfect outcome can shut her down before she starts.

It is an exhausting process for her.  There is always the potential for one of her perfectionist-landmines to explode in all our faces, without warning, at any given moment.

Added to that is the fact that she is developing intellectually faster than her six year old body can keep up with.  In other words, there are simply some skills that she can't do yet; some things she isn't ready for because she's only six, though the capabilities of her mind and her will extend much further.  She literally can't live up to her own self-imposed mental standards because... she's still six!

Our biggest challenge by far, though, is the battle she faces with her own emotional intensity.

I don't quite know how to describe it, except to say that her radar for emotions is bigger.  Where you or I are able to take in information and emotion and process it in what might be considered a "normal" way, what she has taken in is just bigger, in both quantity and intensity.

You and I pick up cable TV with our radar.  Her emotional radar is the kind NASA might use to explore the universe.  For a six year old to deal with all of that emotional input and the intellectual complexities it poses on a day to day, minute-by-minute basis is no small task.

Put another way, we're Watson.  But she's Sherlock.  And if you're at all familiar with that analogy, you know that it's no picnic to be Sherlock - or the people who love him.

That's not to imply that things are all bad, because they certainly aren't.  Leah is sweet, funny, kind, capable, helpful and loving. She is polite and respectful, gets along well with everyone she meets, and if you met her you'd never know how deeply she struggles behind the scenes.

Of this I am sure: The Creator of everything has created her exactly as she was meant to be, for a purpose that is mightier than we can imagine or understand.  Not in spite of the things that set her apart and force her to overcome, but because of them.

We are so, so lucky to get to shepherd, coach and guide her, and to share her days (even when those days are completely, exhaustingly difficult.  Right now, they are).

God has used her almost as much as anything else in my life to show me His goodness, His ways and His blessings. So often, she has been the tool that God uses to s-t-r-e-t-c-h me in my own capacity as a mother, largely by helping me to understand my own inadequacies and need for patience, forgiveness, gentleness and grace.  

Those are precious lessons that I could not pass on - that I might never even have learned - without her.  

Kid Update: Logan

Our wonderful Logan boy is almost four and a half.  In some ways, I can't believe that time has gone so fast.  In others, I have always felt that he is much older than his years, and in many ways his little body is just catching up with where he has been all along.  

I have learned so much about men after having a little boy. Boys are boys, right from the beginning, and Logan is no exception.  He is wiggly and wild, likes to climb and is constantly in motion. 

He is strong and brave, loves his sisters and is so tender and sweet with them, but also has that boy energy that needs to come out; that big man's desire for respect tied up in a little body.  He loves cars and tractors and anything with wheels, Star Wars, superheroes and things that fight.  The girls' baby dolls hold no interest from him (though they did once) and doesn't want to play kitchen with his sisters (though he can be persuaded like a good brother).  

Yep, we're raising a future man.

When he was 18 months old, he zigged when he should have zagged in the bathtub, and ended up breaking part of his front tooth against the faucet.  In July, we finally had to have the tooth extracted.  Logan was a champ - seriously, like the bravest kid ever.  No tears, no fear, nothing - about the whole process, and now his cute little smile includes a gap that will be with him for the next several years until his adult tooth takes its place.

He started preschool this year.  Really, his second round of preschool.  We did a very light schedule when he was three because he so badly wanted to "do school" like a big kid.  He excels in school, and is doing amazing things.  

At four, he does all the CC memory work with us (math, geography, English grammar, Latin, history, science, and timeline).  His memory is amazing.  When I started Leah, she was four and a half, and I skipped two subjects her first year because I didn't want to overwhelm her.  Logan has done all seven subjects with flying colors, and knows solidly half of them at 100%.  It's impressive.  

I also started him on some serious kindergarten math, and slowly, a few sight words.  Because, holy moly, he's ready for it.  I will never take for granted the privilege of being here to witness the educational journeys of my children in the special ways I am privy to!

I adore his personality.  Like his big sister, he loves adults and will often prefer to "buddy up" to them instead of kids his own age.  I routinely get awesome reports from his teachers at church that he is helpful and kind, wanting to make sure that every kid has something to play with or enough snack.  He likes to help pass out materials if they are doing a project.  He loves to help at home, and virtually without complaint will help with anything from making my coffee in the morning, to washing windows, preparing dinner or helping with laundry.  He makes his own bed every morning and is responsible about taking care of clothes and toys.

He loves taking care of his sister, and they are so sweet to watch together.  Although often she takes advantage of him and tries to take his stuff.  And every now and again, he likes to pull rank and boss her around, none of which goes over very well.  Kids.  

The reality is, we don't have much bickering in our house.  We have kids.  We have a family, made up of different personalities, wants and needs, and we are all constantly together.  But the amazing thing is that they so genuinely enjoy one another's company that the overwhelming majority of the time, they all figure it out pretty seamlessly.  It is both humbling and impressive to watch.  

Well...Much of the time, anyway.  Considering we're all just a bunch of stubbornly sinful humans in need of lots of grace!

He is so, so, so beyond excited about having a brother.  He does awesome with the girls, and truly is one of the most gentle and considerate brothers I've seen.  But... that boy-ness.  It begs for a companion! He loves having Jake around, but it will be awesome for him to have a brother close in age to rough house and climb and spend his childhood with.  I was pretty neutral on the gender front, but for little Logan's sake there was just a tiny piece of me that was hoping for a boy to even out our household.  

It has been a pretty fun journey with this sweet little guy. 

It's a noisy, fast-paced journey that is continually in motion. 

 And we're loving being a part of it. 

Kid update: Olivia

With all the craziness of the past 9 months or so, I haven't been very good about taking time to write down all the wonderful things happening with the kids.

We are so enjoying the fun, delightful phases they are in!  So, without further ado, a little bit about our littles (and one big).

Olivia

Livvy Joy is two and a half today.  She is our little peanut, our tiny girl with the great big voice.

She has again returned to being an easy kid (thank goodness!), although she does make a point of holding her own as the littlest.  She enjoys bossing people around, and will tell you where to sit or go or what to play with without hesitation. 

She is still a momma's girl, but we've seen her branch out.  She adores Jacob, which is super sweet to watch.  She goes to church nursery and nursery at our school co-op without fuss.  She is about as sweet as they come, and is continually asking for hugs, "kuggles" (snuggles) and kisses.  She prefers to be carried down the stairs as opposed to walking by herself.  She always did enjoy being a baby, and she hasn't exactly lost that quality as yet.  

Her words and mannerisms are adorable, and I so desperately wish I could freeze time on this one.  She is funny, sweet, and absolutely adorable in the ways that she communicates.  Her sweet, heavy-footed, off-balance little toddler run makes me grin every time I see it.  The way she pronounces words; standing at the back door calling the dog to come in; the funny ways she phrases things: where me other hole? while struggling to put her undies or pants on all by herself.  Followed, triumphantly, by:  OH!  There my other hole is!  Silly Livvy!  The way she knows her mind, and will tell you what she wants and doesn't want.  No me yike dat! she'll exclaim at any offending item.  She melts my heart.

She is my little girl of song.  The child loves music, loves to dance and sing.  We began going to Music Together in the fall, and she fits right in.  Musical intelligence is definitely one of her strengths.  She has an amazing capacity for memorizing lyrics and turns much of what you say to her into a song of some sort.  

She is busy all the time.  She loves to sit at the table and work with the big kids.

And she is always finding ways to keep herself busy.  She likes to play by herself as much as she likes to play with her siblings. The phrase, yet me BE! often passes her lips when one of her well-meaning siblings tries to play with her or engage her in something they are working on.

She still does not much enjoy having her picture taken, and won't ham it up for the camera like some other little cheeseballs I know.  

She is silly, but often serious.  Her little brows will come together when she's thinking or focusing on something, and she spends much of her time looking downright angry.  But, she also knows how cute she is, and isn't afraid to use to her full advantage.

And when she doesn't want to do something... well, there's just no making her!

She potty trained in the fall, and is getting to be such a big girl that I can scarcely believe where the last two and a half years have gone.  

I'm so glad we get to spend the next 15 and a half making memories with her.

30 weeks and the fourth time around

OHHHHH.... get ready!

Three fourths of this pregnancy have slipped by, and I haven't had a single chance to even talk about it.  Neither have I had the chance to pop through a wall and shout "OH YEAH!" like the Koolaid man, despite our obvious similarities, but hey... ten weeks left, right?

There's still time!

So many things have changed since that very first time I arrived at this milestone.  It's sometimes amazing to think of that naiive girl who quietly rocked her belly - the one she thought was SO BIG - and imagined what life might be like on the other side of the delivery room.  

I'm pretty sure she never imagined what was coming!

Let me just throw this out there for all time: I LOVE being pregnant.

And...

I'm terrible at it.  

I got a little cocky this time around thinking that, after three remarkably similar pregnancies, I reasonably knew what to expect when I was expecting. 

Ha!  That's what I get. 

Instead of morning sickness that was unpleasant but manageable, this time around I encountered something the likes of which my body had never experienced.  Something I never even dreamed might be on the way.  Sickness that left me literally unable to get up off the floor of the bathroom at the worst of times, and at best unable to lift my head off the couch.  I had to call my mom - for the first time ever - to come and take care of kids because I honestly thought I might be dying.  I know, it sounds dramatic.  But if you'd seen her face when she saw me, well, you'd get it.

Our first glimpse of our little bundle.  No greater joy than a healthy heartbeat!

The world spun continually for two months.  I could hardly walk, sometimes for hours on end, without having to stop and steady myself. Just moving my eyes back and forth to read to the kids could produce a wave of nausea so intense, I would close my eyes and sit quietly with the light off in the bathroom. It was a mess.

I don't often think of myself as a super mom, but as I look back on it now, I'm truly not sure how I got us all through.  Casey was gone almost that entire time with literally only a few days (um... like five) at home, we had daily - and major - construction happening on the back of our house, homeschooling of two children plus the entertaining of a third, and Jacob had just started high school, in a new state, no less - something that was brand new to him and to us, since we've never dealt with a public school schedule before. 

It was a lot.  A lot.

But, somehow, not only did we make it through, everyone ended up thriving.  Our to do lists were always checked off, friends were met and made, homework was done, picnics were had, and smiles and laughter generally ruled the day.  The worst that can be said is that we ate out far more than I've ever done and the house got a little more untidy than usual.  Not too shabby, all things considered.

It was a huge blessing when the 2nd trimester began, and my physical load began to lift a bit. 

This baby is strong.  So, so strong and wiggly I sometimes can't believe it.  Based on several things at the very beginning of this pregnancy, I was initially convinced we were expecting a girl.  But as soon as he started moving, I switched teams and at this point I'm absolutely convinced I would have known he was a boy, even if we hadn't found out gender.  

This child is most definitely a boy.  

Livvy was sweet, mellow and dainty, both in life and in my belly. Leah was gentle and mellow. This one is raucous and full of energy. He is going to race full speed through the house and try to keep up with all of his big siblings.  He's going to hold his own as the youngest, and I'm convinced he's going to have a competitive nature.  He is the first of four to ever wake me up and keep me up in the middle of the night with his antics.  He makes my belly jump like I'm popping popcorn inside my uterus. 

I love him.  So, so, so much. 

This sweet baby has an awesome sleep pattern most of the time.  He has a period of crazy wakefulness from about 9-11 each night, and then cozies up and sleeps well until about four or five.  Please, Lord, let that schedule keep!

No matter how many we have, the best of my days begin and end with little hands and bodies snuggled into some part of me.  

The little three are absolutely loving mommy's pregnancy.  Logan's little eyes popped and became big and round the first time he really felt the baby kick.  Leah, my little mother, can't get enough of feeling her baby brother, and Livvy keeps blessing "new beebee" in her prayers.  They all sing to him and talk to him before bed. They named him.  Casey and I got out-voted. It is seriously the greatest thing of all time.  Even Jake has felt the baby wiggle. 

The most astounding part of all is that, no matter how difficult things get or what this demanding job calls for, there is always enough of me to go around.  Not that it is true - and certainly not that it feels that way - in every moment, but somehow, some way, in the end it is always true. 

I'd be remiss if I didn't also include this: I don't know where I would be without this man.  We would all be lost without him.  He is the very best husband and daddy, and we are so very lucky to call him ours.  

So here we go again.  Here's to the last time around.