Half baked, take 3

I can say with complete honesty that this has been the fastest pregnancy to date.  Like, light-speed.

I'm still not completely sure how we got here, and I honestly can't fathom the fact that I'm halfway through this pregnancy. 

Until about three or four days ago, all had been extremely quiet on the baby front, and our Little Surprise was giving me trouble by not moving around and letting Mommy know all's well.

It's Logan's fault, really.  What with his moving and contracting from such an early point in my pregnancy, that kid has me expecting to feel summersaults from 15 weeks.  I've spent the last probably six weeks troubling over the fact that I'm not feeling movement even though that's still completely in the safe zone.  There was a good 10 day period where I convinced myself I'd absolutely lost the baby.  Several nights in a row, I cried myself to sleep imagining the worst, though I was assured by nurses we were probably fine. When I heard that healthy little heartbeat at my doctor's appointment, how the tears flowed!

There's a scene in the Sex and the City movie which always struck a chord with me. 

Carrie and Charlotte are shopping, and Carrie asks her why she's quit running after finding out about her pregnancy.  She responds: 

"I have everything I ever wanted.  I'm so happy that I'm terrified.  No one gets everything they want... Of course something bad is going to happen to me."

And here I am.  Two beautiful, smart, healthy and happy little ones who call me mom, and this big pregnant belly.  What kind of a glutton am I that I think I'm entitled to another?  Without so much as trouble getting pregnant or a miscarriage to speak of.  How did that happen?

I don't know the answer, but I am oh so thankful it did.  And so very grateful that this Little Surprise has begun to wiggle to give me a little peace of mind about his or her well being.  Grateful that, for whatever crazy reason, this turned out to be in the cards for us.  I could go on, but that's probably enough of that for one day.

In lighter news, I feel great.  So great.  The morning sickness has ebbed and I've been able to go back to eating a normal diet.  I've been able to exercise, though the sciatica I get with every pregnancy means that I have to be careful about which exercises and how much.  The point?  I'm exercising!  And not just walking and swimming like in previous pregnancies per doc's recommendations!  That's a big deal for me.  

I don't have very many cravings, though I could eat a spicy Santiago's breakfast burrito every single day.  There's never a time those don't sound amazing to me.  I've also been able to go back to eating salad, which is another milestone for me since in the first 16 or more weeks even the thought of a salad made me gag.  The only time I ate one, I promptly threw it up again. (I know you wanted to know that!)

I'm still convinced this baby is a girl, and I'm having major anxiety about the fact that we won't find out.  The last two nights in a row, I've woken up at 4 a.m. with crazy dreams about our upcoming would-be gender ultrasound.  Two nights ago, I dreamed that I convinced Casey to do the same thing we did four years ago and have a pink or blue cake baked (in my dream, the cake was pink, by the way).  Last night, dream-Melissa just sat in the ultrasound room and cried.  I think it's safe to say that I have some issues related to not finding out gender.  Type-A rears its ugly head.... we shall see whether I can keep from caving...

As for naming this baby, we're holding strong with "Hey You."  Girl or boy, it doesn't really matter.  Little Surprise is growing on me, too, though I'm not sure what it'll do for Baby's chances of being president. 

Nesting is a thing, and it's happening.  Twenty weeks doesn't seem like enough time to do all the things that need to happen before this baby arrives.  The kids' room has to be done.  Leah needs to be night-time potty trained.  The big one has to practice sleeping on a top bunk.  The little one has to be moved to a big-kid bed.  The nursery has to be redone (since, well, it was never actually finished to begin with, and what was done was done for a boy).  I may or may not have crazy pregnancy dreams about all those things, too.

It's definitely my third pregnancy, because this is the very first photo I've taken of the belly, which is either lovely and refreshing or kinda sad, depending on which way you look at it.

{Just in case you were under the impression that each and every pregnancy is the same, or that pregnancy doesn't have a lasting effect on the body...}

Twenty weeks down!  One very, very loved Little Surprise.

Week 16 ramblings

I'm not sure it's possible for me to have neglected my writing on a more epic scale.  I have no excuse, just that whole life thing that happens every now and again.  For whatever reason, on this particular night, I have the sudden and irresistible urge to write it all out - and who am I to go against a calling?

We've been busy this February.  My motivation has been lower even than usual due to the fact that - in typical me fashion - I have absolutely zero immune system while pregnant.  I've had it all: stomach flu, regular flu, cold and now sinus infection.  Have I mentioned that I hate February?

We did make it to Arizona to celebrate my grandmother's 83rd birthday, which was wonderful and a very welcome break from the Colorado drearies.  People, there were swim suites.  It was beautiful.

But my real burning desire is to talk about this baby, and record the fact that at 16.5 weeks, I am completely convinced that we're welcoming a little girl.  Yes, I am aware that I'm 0 for 2 on the gender guessing game.  Go ahead, don't believe me.  There's a solid 50/50 chance I'll prove you wrong.

This pregnancy, though.  It has been so ridiculously similar to my pregnancy with Leah - and so not similar to my pregnancy with Logan - that I'm convinced.  Not that these similarities necessarily mean anything... we'll find that information out on delivery day.  (YIKES!  Have I mentioned?  We're not finding out the gender!!!!  Assuming I don't secretly purchase an ultrasound machine and try desperately to decipher what is sure to actually be my small intestine...)

What has me convinced we need more pink?  So glad you asked!

I hate chicken again.  GAG.  I can't stomach it unless it tastes absolutely nothing like chicken, and don't even get me started on trying to cook it.  That implies that I would handle raw chicken, and nobody wants me handling raw chicken unless they are super fond of cleaning up whatever happened to be for lunch earlier that day.  Meat in general isn't working for me, but nothing compares to the complete nastiness that is chicken.

I can't stay awake to save my life.  I'm exhausted all the time and can sleep pretty much anywhere (haha!!!  SUCK IT, insomnia!!  I so don't miss you!!).

What I really crave above all else is spicy.  S-P-I-C-Y.

Although I can feel the pressure of the baby when it moves, I'm not actually feeling movement.  I felt Leah around 20 weeks and Logan around 14.  With this one, I know it's happening and can feel the sensation but not the movement itself - I'm not even sure that makes sense.  I could absolutely chalk it up to gas pressure, except that I know better.  Plus my uterus is all loosey-goosey like a sock that's been worn too many times.  I'm not really sure how that affects the rate of fetal movement, but I'm quite sure it's playing a role somehow.

And so far, girl or not, this baby will very fondly be called "Hey You" after its born.  Possibly for quite a while.  It turns out, we only ever had two names in us that actually worked.  That shouldn't be a problem, right?  If Logan had been a girl, he would have been Addison, but somehow that name has worked its way out of contention over the course of the last two years.  We're left with Hey You, which is growing on me all the time.

At a playplace this week, there was a mother with two little boys and a very, very new baby girl.  I've gotten so used to people assuming I'm pregnant - much more pregnant than I actually am - that I took for granted that she would understand that I have a vested interest when I asked her this question: "How's three treating you?"  Her response?

"Well... I don't recommend it..."

HA!  Well... if you don't recommend it, let me just go back in time and work all that out!  I'm seriously hoping it's more about her being right in the thick of the overwhelmed new mother phase than her actual philosophy.  Otherwise, well, she's got a loooong time to think about her own choices!

Two things struck me this week: One, I am very nearly at the halfway point.  It's hard to believe how quickly that flew by, and I have to make a much more conscious effort not to let this pregnancy get away from me without keeping in mind how special it is.  Two: I have to actually have this baby.  It's funny how that reality isn't a reality but a hypothetical until the due date is practically upon us.  In the back of my mind, I've been more concerned about losing the baby than having the baby; having it still seemed like a remote possibility.  This week it really dawned on me that at some point in the not so distant future, the responsibility of bringing our baby into the world will lie with me.  Hopefully I can do a better job than I did with Logan!

I don't know that I have fully allowed myself to appreciate the miracle that is happening to me.  Not the way I should, anyway.  I suppose, in so many ways, that may just be typical of a third pregnancy; with so much else to tend to, my time is much more limited than it has ever been before while the process is that much more familiar.  But that is not to say that I'm not grateful for the really big miracle taking the form of a really tiny human.

That still remains the greatest blessing of all.

27 Weeks

Baby size: Rutabega (how big is that, you ask?  No idea!)
13-14 inches, 1.5-2.5 pounds (still guessing on the larger side.  For sure.)
Weight gained: Um... no judgement? 18 pounds.  Yep.  It has definitely begun packing on in the last few weeks.

I love, love, love this phase! 

Our little man is strong - so amazingly strong and wiggley.  I do not remember Leah being this kind of wiggley, particularly this early.  Peanut makes my belly jump like crazy, and his kicks are so much more powerful than I remember Leah's being until the end of my pregnancy.  I am so curious to see if this plays out in his personality once he's out, because he truly feels so much stronger to me.

Just like his sister, he is such a good little buddy.  The doctors told me that a good rule of thumb is that when I'm moving, baby should be sleeping/stationary.  When I'm sedentary, baby moves.

This has been completely untrue in both my pregnancies.  Peanut seems to keep pace with me fairly well - when I move, so does he.  The only exception is about 7-8:30 or so in the evening, and when we read to him at bed time, when he nightly gets the wiggles. 

I haven't been able to pinpoint any foods or activities that bring on the wiggles.  Leah hated the car (actually, at the time I thought she loved the car.  She always got wiggly in the car.  It wasn't until she was born and screamed at the top of her lungs every time we got in the car that I came to think otherwise), and always, always wiggled after I ate blueberries or drank juice.  Peanut isn't quite that consistent. 

Evidently, the contractions I'm experiencing are just a result of my "irritable" uterus.  I didn't think that was such a nice thing to say - maybe it's irritable because the doc keeps speaking about it that way!

This week has been sooooo much easier.  My mood is better, my patience is improved, I have more energy - thank goodness for daytime naps and not working all day!  All pregnant women should be so lucky!!!! 

The contrast between sitting in interviews at 4:30 in the afternoon, contracting away and trying to pretend like I actually cared about what was being said while I was really trying not to let a person pop out of me, versus being able to sit, put my feet up and drink water when I have a contraction.  Ahhh, how different life is without a full time job! 

It's getting hard to believe how close we are to meeting this baby.  I'm going through a bit of an internal struggle, because I'm getting so excited to meet this little one and at the same time, trying to savor every day.  I know exactly how much I'll miss these precious moments once they're gone.

Next week: third trimester, baby!  You are much loved and eagerly awaited, Baby Peanut!

24 weeks

Baby size: Standard letter (because we've outgrown the fruit section of the grocery store.) 

Height: 11-13 inches

Weight: 1.5 lbs

Weight gained: I'll tell you next week... 'cause I don't know!

Wiggles, wiggles, wiggles.  Doesn't seem to be related to any particular foods (Leah went NUTS for blueberries), but I can definitely tell when this boy gets hungry.  He is also fairly mello in the car, which is exactly the opposite of his sister.

The food cravings and aversions have disappeared, although I have discovered that a bowl of cereal before bed helps me sleep through the night (hallelujah!).  It's been about 2 weeks since I've been awake for hours in the middle of the night - and let me tell you, sleep is a beautiful thing.

My belly button is rapidly approaching critical max.  It never popped with Leah - probably because I spent the better part of my third trimester pushing it back in.  Not sure that strategy is going to work this time 'round.

Favorite moment has to be when the little sings to her brother, or when we lay belly to belly and she can feel him moving.  You might get sick of me saying this, but it is an absolute dream come true.  Those moments are sheer, complete, light-shining-down-from-heaven perfection. 

I'm also starting to get really excited for the labor portion of this journey.  Maybe that sounds crazy to some, but I sooo deeply long for a natural child birth.  To wake up in the middle of the night all wet and gooey because my water broke.  (I know, I'm a little weird.) 

I'm starting to daydream about it, mostly right before I fall asleep.  The thought gives me such comfort and excitement.  Obviously, there is a strong potential that I may not get to actually have a natural child birth, and I think I'm okay with that if it comes down that way.  But I want desperately to be able to try on my own this time.  To have that crazy - am I in labor?  Am I not in labor? - guessing game.  Not to know the day and hour this babe will enter the world. 

What's that? you say.  Type-A hyper-controlling Melissa doesn't want everything perfectly predictable and scheduled out?  I know, I know.  I've already admitted to being weird. 

16 weeks to go - and frankly, with all the crazy contractions, I'm convinced we're not going to make it that long.  As long as he's healthy, early is okay by me!

Half Baked (plus)

YOU.GUYS.

I'm half baked!  Plus two weeks!

Baby size: Papaya - about 1 foot, 1 to 1 1/2 pounds (I'm guessing all on the larger side for our boy).
Weight: Plus 9 pounds.

Almost one year ago exactly, we started this journey to two.

9 months ago, I found out I was pregnant and 8 months ago I wasn't anymore.

But now?  Now, I'm over the halfway mark with this wiggly, sweet little peanut of a boy. 

And I'm still huge, but I'm rapidly discovering that the term fat and happy is totally applicable.  Round.  Robust.  Full.  Insert adjective here.  Hello, Weight Watchers in the fall.

Actually, I'm not up that many pounds (kinda scary, considering how very, very different I look). 

I know it doesn't look it, but I swear I'm carrying much lower than I did with Leah.  Last time, my bump started at my boobs.  This time there's a noticeable (albeit to no one else besides me) gap between boobs and bump. 

I've got all the typical symptoms.  Back ache?  Check.  Exhaustion?  Check.  Contractions?  Check and check. 

Mostly, I'm just worried about how frequently I'm contracting.  I'm trying really, really hard not to be that crazy pregnant lady who calls the OB every 20 minutes.  I've been assured that this is totally normal, and I have a strong hunch it's brought on by the stress of working full time while still caring for a two year old. 

With 4 weeks left at school, I'm interested to see how I do as I get into the third trimester and get to worry about just the mommy/pregnancy pieces.  What a blessing that will be!

Most of the time, I just feel happy.  Not quite as care free as I was with Leah, but let's be honest: there's more to do this time around.  I'm definitely more tired physically, mentally and emotionally, which is something I'm really trying to watch.  I very strongly believe that my emotional state has an affect on the way this little one develops, so I want to make sure I'm sending him only the best of me. 

18 weeks to go, and we're into my very favorite part of pregnancy.  We love you, Baby Boy, and we can't wait to meet you!

18 Weeks

Swollen much?  We've had beautiful weather this March (as I write this, it's predicted to be 87 degrees tomorrow), and along with it, an absolute onslaught of early spring allergies.  Ah, Claratin.  I miss you!

Baby size: Sweet potato (about 5.5 inches)



Weight gain: 4 pounds (even though I look like I've gained much more!)

This week has brought an increase of lower back pain.  Mine typically starts at about 9 weeks - even though it's not supposed to start until sometime after the 20th week - and it's getting tough to ignore.

Insomnia, check.  Luckily, what with it being spring break, I've been able to trade sleeping at night for sleeping at nap time; a ridiculous luxury, in my opinion.

The trade off for those two less than desirable side effects is that I've been able to feel some very distinct - very, very little - movements from our little one.  Instead of the log rolls I've been feeling, I've got actual hand/foot action.  Little, tiny kicks or punches that still feel sweet, slightly indescernable, and amazing.

And possibly hiccups; I'm about 90% sure I've felt those once or twice. 

Healthy and happy and very round?  Bliss.

16 weeks and a surprise

We met with a new doctor yesterday for our 16 week appointment. 

The doc who delivered Leah left a little over a year ago, and the one I met with intially isn't my favorite.  He's awfully negative and literal when it comes to statistics and odds, and had me about convinced that I don't want to try for a VBAC (which I definitely, definitely do). 

The new doc is awesome.  I feel much more comfortable with her.  In addition to the fact that she is a woman who has actually been through the process of labor and delivery herself - a giant plus, in my book - she is also very open to and supportive of the idea of trying to let nature take its course before we jump in with medical intervention.  She's a keeper.

We also got an ultrasound that I hadn't anticipated, and a little something else...

This is the oh-so-immodest and highly intrusive between-the-legs-shot, which I'm sure Baby will thank me for displaying on the internet later in life.

See those three little dots right there?  Yep.  You know what that means.

It's a BOY!

And when I finished picking my jaw up off the ground, I began to get really excited.

I was convinced we were having another girl - despite the, you know, 50/50 odds it might not end up that way.  So far I'm 0 for 2 in the gender guessing game. 

There is still a slight chance this may not be accurate, given the fact that it's still early and the ultrasound machine at the doc isn't particularly advanced.  But those three little dots are clear even to me, and our doctor gave it 99%.  All in all, I'm pretty confident that we'd better add a little more blue to our baby wardrobe.

Oh boy, it's a boy!  A whole new kind of adventure is just beginning, but we can't wait to meet you!

Welcome, second trimester!

Baby size: Lemon (3.4 inches)

I have to open this post by observing that it's still difficult for me to comprehend the fact that I'm as "baby-bumped"-out as I am.  There is absolutely no question about it: I'm pregnant.  Even when I'm out and about, strangers notice.  No amount of prenatal yoga seems to make a dent.

There's no way to compare my first pregnancy with this one. I'm two completely different sizes.

September 2009: 14 weeks

November 2009: 25 weeks

What hasn't changed, though, is my excitement over leaving the first trimester behind.  I feel better, although to be fair I haven't felt bad in the last month or so.  Both times, I've been extraordinarily lucky when it comes to the first trimester yuckies. 

We finished reading The Hunger Games to the baby.  We didn't read it consistently because I had some ambiguity about it's content, what with it being about kids forced to kill one another.

At the end of the day, though, as anyone who has ever miscarried can attest, the strongest desire is for that tiny one just to survive; to make it.  That makes "Hunger Games" a perfect fit.  Besides, we read The Illiad for the same reasons when Leah was tiny, and she doesn't seem too demented so far...

Either way, I think we'll pick up with Harry Potter again before too long.  I love, love, love that Casey reads to our babies, even before they're able to hear his voice. 

More than anything else, I have to document the sense of relief I feel at entering the second trimester.  Another milestone where the risk drops considerably, and we're that much closer to meeting this little one. 

Gratitude?  I'm up to my eyeballs in it (and that's saying something, given the belly it has to overcome to reach that high!!!).