Imperfect is the new perfect

I'm always amazed by the volume of information available to us.  On the internet.  On TV.  Research that has been done.  Opinions of other parents based on their own experience.

HOW TO RAISE A CHILD.  It deserves the caps, because it's a big task.  

When I was a new mom, shiny baby in my arms, complete with milk stains and a harried, overtired expression just in case there was any doubt, I read everything I could get my hands on about having a baby.  I read articles, blog posts, subscribed to weekly e-mails to update me on my baby's development. I scoured the internet for recalls.  I stayed up late at night when my sweet baby was sleeping and sought out the opinions of multiple experts, sure that if I missed something I was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad new mom who was certain to ruin the life of the tiny one entrusted to me.

Casey suggested more than once, after I collapsed in tears over some perceived mistake, that perhaps such behavior was not helpful.  

Eventually, I came to a life-changing conclusion: I READ TOO MUCH. 

Yes, that deserved the caps too.  

Because after all that reading, here is what I discovered: I was surely going to kill my child.  By leaving the bumper in the crib.  Or possibly by taking it out.  Or by co-sleeping and rolling over and smothering her.  Or by leaving her in her own crib where she would undoubtedly suffer from SIDS which could have been prevented by co-sleeping.  Or by feeding her formula.  Or by giving her solid foods too early.  I was afraid that she was too hot.  And also too cold.  I was playing with her too much.  I was leaving her alone too often.  I was doing any one of a thousand things that could/should/would have been done differently by someone who was better/smarter/more prepared for this baby gig than I. 

She was about six months old when I screamed, "ENOUGH!!!" in one of those dramatic scenes where first you see me, then you see my house, the city and finally, the world.  Enough.   

Because, here's the thing: Parenting is hard.  And it is different for everyone.  And there is no one single way to do it right.  Did ya get that?  Let me say it again, because it too deserves the caps:

THERE IS NO ONE WAY TO DO IT RIGHT.

It never stops, whether your child is in diapers or preschool or driving.  I recently read an article advocating not teaching your toddlers their ABCs, shapes or colors.  I recently read an article advising parents of the dangers of over-praise.  In our culture, you'll never go broke pitching THE FORMULA for raising perfect kids (or, on a similar thread, by giving women ammunition for feeling superior to one another.  I offer Nancy Grace and her unique version of "the news" as proof.)

If you type "Parenting" into the search bar at Amazon.com, you will come up with 133,136 results.  That's just the books, in case you thought I was searching the entire site.  Over one hundred thousand books.  One hundred thousand different opinions.  One hundred thousand versions of "the right way."   

What people want when we seek out those massive volumes of information is validation that we don't suck.  We want someone to clap us on the back and say, "well done, Mom!  You're doing an awesome job."  We want to know that we're more in line with raising the next Einstein, Steve Jobs or Mother Theresa than the next Jeffrey Dahmer.  We're afraid of making mistakes.  We're afraid of making THE mistake that definitively defines our children for the rest of their lives.  The One that they'll spend thousands of dollars working out in therapy when they're adults.  

    

I'm not saying that it isn't worthwhile to spend time developing and refining your parenting philosophy, and enhancing the tools in your box when it comes to being the best version of your parenting self.  Of course that's valuable.  But if you hold these up as ideals, you will always find yourself falling short.  Why?  Because there is no way to do everything right all the time.  Just as I couldn't simultaneously take the advice of those who said co-sleeping was a sure way to suffocate my baby ...AND... those who advocated co-sleeping because it helps babies regulate their breathing.  Who's "expert" advice was correct?  I had to weigh the opinions and make the choice that made the most sense for my family.  I still do.  I always will.

And... as I've gone on in this parenting journey, I've become more and more comfortable with that.  I would even describe myself as - dare I say it? - good at it.  I know, I'm tempting some fateful god of Irony to strike me down.

Why is it so very hard to say those words?  I am a good mother.  I am a good mother.  Is it because there are so many definitions of a "good mother?"  Is it because so many others would do it differently?  Is it because there are so many opportunities to fail?  I was a good mother yesterday, but today I was a sucky mother, so my two-day average is a so-so mother.  Even now I feel I have to add the disclaimer: I'm not a perfect mother and I make a lot of mistakes.  And what exactly is on the other side of perfection?  I'm either a perfect mother or.... what?

An imperfect mother - who is no less good for being imperfect.

So these days, when I read an article or blog post or whathaveyou, I no longer take it in as The Truth (period/exclamation point).  It gets a bigger and more important check - I check it against what I know to be true based on my own experience, and what I know about my family.  I evaluate.  I consider.  I keep the pieces that I find valuable and discard the ones that don't fit without feeling like a parenting failure.  No matter how many letters follow the author's last name.

I choose not to spend my time agonizing over whether I'm doing it right.  I choose to let my version of enough really be enough.  I choose to let go of the mistakes I make and remember that what I do wrong is nothing compared to what I do right.  What we all do right, even when we do it differently.

To trust that still, small voice that hasn't yet steered me wrong.

Our children are wonderful.  They are beautiful.  And they are trying, every day, to be better and learn more.

And so are we.     

Homeschool: Week 2 Roundup

A little roundup of our activities this week.  We studied the first 7 days of creation, and the letter g {for garden, obviously}.  We did some practice cutting with scissors and counting with beans.

Get excited, folks - we're going in.

How Does a Garden Grow? I cut out all the pieces the night before (by the by, you don't have to feel intimidated by my mad paper flower-cutting skills.  What can I say?  There are just some things I excel at), and then Leah and I had a great conversation about what plants need to grow: Dirt, sunlight, water.  She glued each piece into place, and pretended to plant and water her seeds.  Then, we discussed the other parts of a flower (stem, leaves, flower.  We're not technical yet) and she put them all into place as she wanted.  I had intended to glue the pipe cleaner down, but it's really stinkin' hard to glue pipe cleaner using only a glue stick.  Enter: tape.  

Mr. Smiley.  I so wish I could take credit for this, because it's preschool genius.  Since it's our first time using scissors, Leah needed some prompting to help her remember to keep her thumb up.  I'd tried some simple reminding, but I needed something better.  Enter: Mr. Smiley.  I know.  Genius, right?  Instead of reminding/nagging, all I have to say is, "Can you see Mr. Smiley?" and she knows.  Awesome.  

Scissors Assessment.  I wanted to see how accurately Leah is able to use her scissors, so we did this little test.  I drew lines on a piece of paper and asked her to cut on the lines, ONLY on the lines and no further.  Interesting thing I'm discovering about my daughter: She's not great at the sticking to it thing.  As you can see, the first two lines - the ones where she was super focused, determined and willing to work hard - were pretty much perfect.  By line 3, she got a little bored and decided to improvise.  So, at age three and a half, that's her attention span: two lines.  I have my work cut out for me...

 Fine motor skills strengthening.  Another thing I know (besides the fact that this photo is out of focus) is that Leah needs some work on her fine motor skills.  She's amazing in so many areas of life, but this is one that is tough for her.  So, we set out to work on it.  Supplies: Colander and pipe cleaners cut in thirds.  Goal: Go to town threading pipe cleaners through the holes.  I told her it was worms in the garden.  Go Team Fine Motor Skills!

Creation book.  A fabulous idea that came from our curriculum where you use clear contact paper to build collages of the things God made on each of the first seven days.  This was activity day three (fish, birds, animals and people; not to be confused with day three of creation).  Other days not pictured on account of it took me three days to figure out the contact paper properly because I'm a little challenged in the fine motor skill department, too.  

Letter g on the chalkboard.  Self explanatory.  But can I brag ('cause I'm going to.  What?! Modesty is so overrated): she drew the capital letters on her own without any prompting or practice.  

Counting beans.  Another exercise in sticking to it.  We did 1-3 so she could get the hang of it, and I could tell that by the time we got to eight we were going to be in trouble.  Not because she couldn't do it, but because she could do it and was easily distracted.  So, we started jumping around and I let her select the next number she wanted to count to give her a little more buy in.  It took a lot of overenthusiastic celebrating and encouragement, but we made it.  Whew!

Workbook.  Go letter g.  

Ink pad flowers.  Her thumb pressed into a red ink pad, combined with a green crayon.  We added a few necessary things for a garden - worm, butterfly, bee, ladybug, the usual - and done and done!

We had a great second week, and g was so.much.easier for her than x, which pushed her super-linear, vertical/horizontal axis-only what'sadiagonal? boundaries.  We are looking forward to all the apples next week!

So... talk back: How'd it go for you?  What activities did you try this week?  Looking forward to hearing from you and have a blessed weekend!

Wainscoting without losing your marbles

It took some arm twisting.  Folks, my husband isn't exactly a man of words, he's a man of action.  So when I tell you that I'm honored that he agreed to write this post, you know I mean it.

The biggest question I got about our kitchen remodel has to do with hanging wainscoting.  Here's my version: Step one: make sure you are good at measuring.  Step two: also be good at using power tools.  Step three: hire someone who fits the above criteria.  The end. 

Soooo... it's a good thing somebody in our house is better at this than I am.  My version of wainscoting would include computer paper and a stapler.  Instead, I give you Wainscoting the Casey way.  Enjoy!

What you'll need:
:: 2 inch bead board in 4x8 sheets available at all major big-box and hardware stores
:: 1-1/8 in ply-cap panel molding
:: 1-1/8 in corner molding
:: (Optional) 1/2 in trim molding for added detail/counter top transition piece
:: Liquid Nails
:: Circular saw
:: (Optional but HUGELY helpful) Jobmax
:: Carpenter's square
:: Mitre box or Mitre saw
:: (Optional but helpful) finish nailer

Where to start:  Measure all walls.  I make diagrams of the room so that I know exactly where I want to place each piece of wainscoting.  You will need height and width to start you off, but will also need to take into account outlets and light switches relative to your measurements.

Cutting the wainscoting: I used a circular saw to cut the wainscoting to my specifications.  After the primary piece of wainscoting was cut, I went back with the Jobmax and cut the details.  I do a dry run with the bead board on the wall without any glue before finalizing.

Getting it on the wall:  After it is cut, use liquid nails to adhere it to the wall, applying it the same way you would a glue stick to the back of the wainscoting.  A good rule of thumb is: apply the Liquid Nails, push it against the wall initially and then pull the bead board away.  Then, restick it permanently in place.

Tips and Tricks: Measure three times.  And then measure some more before you make that first cut.  You can label the back of your wainscoting, or use blue tape to label the front, so you know which piece you're working with for which space.  I prefer to work in stages moving from one end of the room to the other to help avoid this problem.

Also, creating detailed plans is critical.  You have to account for every countertop overhang, etc.

Molding: Cut molding with a mitre box or a mitre saw.  Most walls will require a 45 degree angle to make the seams line up nicely.  I prefer to nail the molding in place because I have an air compressor and a nail gun, but it could be done with liquid nails as well.  The corner molding is used on the outside corners where the molding meets to cover the seam and create a finished look. Once molding is in place, apply caulk or wood filler to fill the seam between the wall and the molding, or any nail holes.

Paint: Use high gloss paint to help prevent staining and discoloration, and to make your wainscoting easier to clean.  Use a small roller to paint wainscoting as much as possible, doing detail work with your brush.

And that, folks, is that.

Rough total cost for this project in our kitchen: under $250 including paint.  It's a great detail (requiring mostly elbow grease) for a really big design WOW.

.....

Thanks for your support and feedback, and as always, feel free to let me know if you have any additional questions.  And let us know if you try it in your space!

An outside-the-box picture frame

Remember when I talked about my longing to make our home unique and personal to us? I know sometimes I talk a big game, but this time I wasn't.freakin.kidding.

We're on a mission. I've taken the oath: I will not buy things that thousands of other people already own. Unless I'm in a thrift store or antique shop, where there is obviously a free pass.

But I'm a little late in taking this oath, seeing as I've already furnished an apartment and then a first home prior to having this epiphany. So what about all the stuff I've already bought... do I now have to trash it because it was mass-produced in China - probably with all sorts of lead paint? What's a girl to do?!

Get creative. Think outside the box.  Get a little Maverick-y, as a certain former presidential candidate would say (uh-oh... Did I just make a Sarah Palin reference?!  DON'T SEND ME MAIL, I take it back.  Yeesh.)

So...



We think it's a pretty good place to start.

Here's how it happened:

You will need:

:: A picture frame

:: Fabric (I used this)

:: A sponge brush - 1 inch works best, but any will do

:: Mod Podge

:: Scissors or Exact-o knife

**For the record, my frame was black, but the fabric was thick enough that it didn't matter.  If my fabric had been thinner, I would have primed the frame and let it dry as a first step.

1. Take everything out of the frame so that all you have is the actual frame itself.  No glass, no cardboard or backing.  Place your frame on the fabric you want to use.  Cut the fabric leaving enough space around the edges to give you plenty of room, since you'll fold the fabric over.  An inch should do the trick, you might use 2 to be safe (you can always trim it later).

2.  Place the frame wrong side down on the fabric, also wrong side down.  Working carefully, adhere the Mod Podge to the frame.  Then, working in about 6 inch sections at a time, fold the fabric tightly onto the back side of the frame, being careful to smooth any wrinkles, until your fabric is taunt from edge to edge and top to bottom.  Work the corners like you would gift wrap until you have the smoothest edge possible and adhere with Mod Podge.  Give this about 10 minutes to dry before proceeding.

3.  Using sharp scissors or the Exact-o, trim the interior of the frame as well.

4. The interior corners are the toughest part.  You'll want to make a small diagonal incision that lines up with each corner, but without cutting too close to the frame itself (I learned this one the hard way.  Get too close to the frame, and you'll have a slight gap the fabric won't cover.  Too far away and you'll have wrinkles.  I suggest starting with the smallest possible cut and increasing it only when you're sure it's necessary).  Then, ease the corners down so that they meet in the crease of the frame.  If you've done it well, the edges should not overlap, but should neatly join in the corner to create a smooth and seamless look.  Adhere with Mod Podge.

The neat thing about the Mod Podge is that it allows you to shape the fabric precisely to the frame, even if it's not perfectly flat (as in the one pictured.  Also, can you spot my ooopsy in that bottom corner?  Yep.  That's what happens when you cut the fabric too close to the frame.).  Once finished, you can also coat it with Mod Podge to give it a bit of a hard, polished exterior.

The result?  You have a custom piece of art in which to display your own custom pieces of art (those cute little ones you made!).

Adorable child wearing mittens despite the fact that it's 96 degrees outside - not included.

If you try this project, let me know how it goes!

God's Word is a Treasure {hunt}

So, here's the thing: you guys are all about this sensory bin craze, and I am like a bajillionty years behind on this one.  I get it.  Sensory bins = good = Melissa get on the bandwagon!  I feel like I'm the only one still playing Oregon Trail.  I'm all trying to ford the river and dying of dysentery while you guys are all super cool grovin' out on your Just Dance 27.  Yeah, because your slick dance moves are so going to save you during the apocalypse.  I'm learning survival skills, people, like how to shoot antelope with my mouse-musket.  On my MS-DOS.  Booyah.

But you know what?  We caved to peer pressure.  I took your advice.  We did a sensory bin!

Wait for it, I've gotta have the tricked out intro photo:

Just because I'm late to the ball doesn't mean I can't look good dancing, right?

Our lesson was about God's word, centered on the idea that God's word is a treasure.  If you're using the same curriculum as we are, this was a week 1-inspired activity.  And also: SHOUT OUT TO MY FELLOW GLE peeps!  Wooooo!

Here's what we used:

:: Clear plastic bin

:: 6 bags of misc beans (thank you, Tarjay)

:: Jewels, beads, other misc shiny objects or legit gold coins if you happen to be a pirate.  I am not, hence the beads.

:: God's Word is a Treasure printables, which I colored yellow

I hyped it as a treasure hunt, because she was totally excited about finding things during our X Marks the Spot activity.  I dumped all the beans in the plastic bin and cleverly hid our treasure, which was pretty small and kinda tough to spot amid the beans, so I left one or two pieces on top to help her know what to look for.  

She was really excited each time she found an item.  We did a lot of talking about how the beans felt versus the treasure, and trying to see if she could find them just by touch alone (that only worked a couple of times).

Then, because she has never used glue before, I let her go to town with the glue stick.  I may have intervened a little with the order of the printable, but she got to decide where to actually glue them down.  I also had to use the glue gun on a the big round beads in order to secure them properly, but otherwise, she was in charge of this one. 

And, she wanted to write her name at the bottom.  I mean... who am I to stop her when inspiration strikes?!  (Okay, Leah, I guess you can write your name unassisted.  FINE.  If you must.)

So there you have it.  I made it into the 21st century.  If only I'd cave and get an iPad, then I'd really be cool.

Happy Learning, friends!

Saturday morning nostalgia

I wake without the assistance of an alarm clock. My eyes dart open - there is no fluttering or resistance here, we're quite well versed in being tired and getting up anyway - to the sound of my son's cries. He is in no distress, of course, but mornings aren't really his gig. His list of things that "aren't really his gig" is a lot longer than I remember Leah's being, but my feet find the floor, my hands lift him gently out of the crib. He rests his head on my shoulder, his breathing returns to normal and, less the still snotty nose, he is perfectly content. The big one is already awake and she runs to Brother's room and wraps her overly happy 6 a.m. arms around my legs.

There are four people in our bed, but the ones who take up the most room by far are the two wearing the tiniest clothes. The little one likes to poke the big one in the face. And then he laughs because he thinks he's hilarious. She insists on holding him {she says they are snuggling, but I'm pretty sure she's just bossy} and he squirms and yells and soon after concedes but goes back to poking her in the face and laughing.

Their legs intertwine. Their fingers intertwine. Their voices and laughter intertwine.

As I sip my coffee to the tune of Caillou {and Good Lord how many days when I'm about to lose my crap on my kids do I stop and think, "Hey, it could be worse. I could be Caillou's mom."}, the slow pace of the morning singlehandedly cancels out all those other mornings when I'm pretty sure my head will actually explode with 900 reiterations of pleaseputyourunderwearon and pleaseeatyourcerealI'd- hateforyoutogohungry.

It's a moment to breathe.  It's a moment to remember how lucky I am to be the one who is perpetually called upon to manage the crises of tinies.

One day soon they won't want to snuggle in bed on a Saturday morning.  One day soon, she'll prefer to sleep over at a friend's house and stumble in, bleary-eyed from laughing and playing video games all night, a half-rolled sleeping bag under her arm.  One day soon, he'll want to spend his Saturdays at football games, marching band competitions or track meets.  She'll drive a car.  He'll have a dorm room.  She'll have a wedding.

So for now, when the Saturday mornings strike, I don't mind the extra room they take up in the bed, or the poking or the same episode of Caillou I've watched thirty six times before.

Because whatever else they have, I'll always have Saturday mornings.

Salt Tray Letters

Hello, friends and happy Monday!

It's that time again... time for a simple, very cost-effective activity to help your preschooler practice his or her letters.

Here's what you'll need:

:: Foil cake pans
:: Morton's salt
{Feel free to sub sugar, play sand, flour; anything that will create visible lines when you drag your fingers through it.  I knew my little would immediately want to taste it (alright, not the play sand, but I didn't have any handy), so sugar and flour were out unless I was willing to combat a feeding frenzy instead of writing practice.}

Pour the salt into the cake pan until you have a layer approximately 1-2 inches deep.  Draw letters on index cards, and let your little one go to town recreating them in the salt.

Easy peasy, right?

We were working on X, so we practiced it several times.  Then, she wanted to write her name, so we did that, too!  This activity works best if they can practice several different letters at a time, or capitals then small letters would work too.  You could do numbers, symbols, your telephone number, or just a little fun free play time where they create whatevs they're in the mood for.

How'd Leah like it?

As Pete the Cat would say... "It's ALL good!"

Happy learning!