Party's over.

Those hard-won babies.  The ones that just don't come easily.  The ones who are cherished by their mommies, because the mommies know the long, painful and scary struggle it was to smell their pretty little heads and have their tiny fingers wrapped around our own.  The ones who heal the cracks in their mommies' souls purely by existing.

That is the baby I'll be waiting for.

Because this little one I've been treasuring in my belly is gone.

My life is priviledged in so many ways: I have a wonderful home, a job I love, safety and security, and of course, my absolutely adored 18 month old daughter.

So it is hard to find it in me to complain about the things I don't have.  But I also have this image of Leah as a big sister.  An image of her kissing my very pregnant belly.  An image of making Casey a daddy again. 

I know that picture isn't gone forever.  But I'm a little heartbroken that it's gone for now. 

So, my hard-won baby...  I'll be eagerly awaiting you.