Thursday, January 9, 2014

First trimester: The pie chart edition


What have I been up to for the first week of 2014?  Well, I'm so glad you asked!  

I've been a little incapacitated, but I thought that some super-nerdy charting action would make up for it.  And so, I present to you...

Ta-Da!  As experienced by yours truly, the first trimester, divided out all accurate and geeky-like. 

I mean, sure, I could also tell you about the memory loss.  Like that time when I was at Chipotle (see the red category above, only this time hubby wasn't available) ordering my much-dreamed about carnitas burrito with black beans, rice, verde and corn salsa, lettuce, cheese and... and my mind drew a complete and total blank.  I could see it in front of me, but where once there was a word that defined it, there were now only several little dust bunnies.  And they were pointing and laughing, just for good measure. 

You know, that green stuff...

Whatsitcalledagain?  That green stuff that's not salsa.  It's kinda thick.  It's made from avocados (hey, that's a pretty good word! I'm not totally crazy!)

Luckily, as the impatient mouthbreather behind me began inching closer, invading my personal space - HEY! Back off, dude, you're not going to make me move any faster by sighing and breathing on me.  That's right, I smell that Coors Light at 4:37 in the afternoon, take it down a notch! - my pathetic look and wild pointing must have done the talking for me.

"Guacamole?" says the lady behind the counter as I shoot her a relieved look and nod furiously.  YES!  Guacamole!  Thank God there's a word for it in someone else's brain!

Or, I might add that the crying isn't limited to commercials.  Or TV, for that matter.  It could be the neighbor children playing outside; a song on the radio; a comment from my sweet Leah.  Sheer exhaustion.  Casey making a run because I asked for something (red category again).  Yellow category, for sure.  Heck, the green category has been at fault more than once if I'm being totally honest.

Or, really, the waterworks can begin for no apparent reason at all, which of course makes me look even more like a mental patient than I already feel, particularly when you add my very intense new-found love of sweatpants and lying horizontally on the couch.  At 10:00 in the morning.  ...  Aaaaand maybe also at 3:30 in the afternoon.  Really, name a time throughout the day and I'll probably find a way to make it horizontal-in-sweatpants o'clock (see also: big blue category above).

In the past, I would have ended with some comment about gratitude and how worth it this all is.  I haven't changed my tune, exactly, it's just much harder to feel that way with two little ones running around, what with their needing to be fed and have attention paid to them, and the fact that they're not nearly as excited about sweatpants or being ignored while I lay horizontally.

It's weird, really... almost as if they're not all that impressed that Mommy's growing a human.

So we've been really lucky that Casey has been home - up until this week, anyway - and that he's not afraid to pay it forward by single-parenting.  I'm awfully lucky to have that husband of mine.

I'm lucky too because I know that in just a few short weeks, most of this craziness will go away.  Maybe not the pointing helplessly because I've randomly blanked on a word, but certainly the sweatpants and need to be horizontal, at least for a while...

Yes, in a few short weeks, I'll forget again all the reasons I'm currently stocking up that no one in their right mind would ever go down this road another time.  That baby will start to move in my belly, and true love will again be upon me.

Actually, even as I think about that soon-to-be moment, I've decided that maybe the first trimester's really not so bad after all...

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