Make 'em laugh

Talk about moments of perfection. 
One of the many things I love about having a 7 month old is that Leah is developing a real, bonafide, big-girl sense of humor.

Including the realization that the things she does make me laugh.

Tonight, for whatever reason, she was making a goofy face and attacking the couch cushions.  The expression on her face made me crack up, and as a result, she did it again and again, looking up at me each time with the biggest, most pleased-with-herself little grin, just to see if I was watching.  When I would laugh, she would break into her sweet little giggles. 

It was too hillarious!

She also likes to play a game we like to call You Fell Down.  The premise is this:  I pull Leah up to a sitting position.  She sits on her own for a second or two, and then launches herself backward into me or a pile of pillows.  Then I laugh and yell, "You fell down!"  and she giggles endlessly. 

Okay, so I didn't say her sense of humor was sophisticated.  It's the simple things in life that make us very happy!!

Let's address the current state of my crazy

Joy (!!!!!!!). 

That's the emotion that comes to mind when I think about Leah's first few months of life.  Followed rather immediately by this one:

Terror.

It has been nearly four months since I wrote about my anxiety as a new mother.  It's funny how time is the great distiller of memories, sometimes revealing things that you didn't necessarily know at the time.

I didn't know how great my anxiety was when I was going through it.  I didn't know that I would come to associate such horrible unease with my baby's early months.  I didn't know that my joy would be equaled only by my panic and desperate desire for everything to just be okay.

The good news?

I won't say I'm over it.  But I am dealing with it, and I think that the desperate edge of my crazy has worn off.  I no longer feel the need to obsessively check on Leah every 15 minutes.  She has been sleeping in her own bed for nearly three months, thank you very much, and I have even been known - on occassion - to sleep through the night myself.  I don't wake up in the middle of the night, paniced because she hasn't. 

I have to tell and re-tell myself every day: Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinth. 10:5).

I had to practice literally every day in the beginning.  Every single nap.  Those visions of what I would do if I walked into her room to find her blue and unresponsive?   Take captive every thought.  The choking scream that would wrack my body?  Take captive every thought.  How would I survive it if something were to happen to her?  Who would I be?  How would I go on?  Take captive every thought. 

The turning point? 

I think watching her get older.  Knowing that she is strong.  Knowing that she is healthy.  Knowing that if she gets herself crammed against the side of the crib, she is not going to suffocate, because she is strong enough to get herself out.  It fills me with a sense of peace I simply didn't have before.

Perhaps the fact that "terror" is the second adjective I would use to describe Leah's first months violates that unspoken "Mommy" code we all have to appear to adhere to.  Although there are moments of absolute, astounding perfection, navigating motherhood can be difficult, particularly if we're going to sugarcoat it and pretend that it is not also devastating, exhausting and terrifying at times.  Reality is rarely sugarcoated.

This place - far from perfection - is one I'm pretty comfortable with. 

And, that sweet girl?  Totally worth worrying over.  I'll take every sleepless night thrown at me if it means I get to be her mom.  

27/Seven

Today is a very special day!  Not only is my baby turning seven months, but her daddy is turning 27! 

 10-10-10

Look what 7 months brings!

We certainly are lucky around our house!!

The Princess and the Frog

I was raised on a healthy diet of Disney movies and a big box of dress up items. 

Being girls, my sister and I used to parade around the house wearing a random assortment of treasures my mom found a garage sales and repurposed into costumes.  An old prom dress.  Someone's red high heels.  A turquoise, sequened dress from who the heck knows what.

We pretended to be various Disney princesses (the turquoise dress, it turns out, was perfect for playing Ariel... if you put it on as a long skirt, it was a perfect mermaid's tail!), dreaming of our someday-prince.

While Casey was gone last night and after Leah had gone to bed, I got to watch a Disney movie, The Princess and the Frog.  It was a sweet story, and I loved the "old school" animation and music - so reminiscent of the Disney movies I adored growing up. 

It was an odd thing.

One minute, I was watching this sweet story.  The next, I was crying my eyes out. 

It dawned on me that my role in the story has shifted. 

No longer am I the Princess.  No longer is the story about me finding myself, my true love and my place in the world.  I've been there, done that, and now I've been recast into a supporting role.  While I couldn't be more thrilled to yield the spotlight to my daughter, it was a little disturbing to me to watch what happened to the mother in the movie.

She was in the first scene.  She was in it for a few minutes after the daughter had grown up.  And then... ???

What happened to her?!  Where did the mother go for the remaining hour and twenty minutes of the movie?

It hit a little too close to home, reminding me that, for a few precious years, I get to be the center of my daughter's world.  Right now, and for a while, she can't do very much without me.  After that... well... I suppose I go the way mothers go when the story ceases to be about them.

So tonight, as I put Leah down for bed, I rocked her a little longer than I might have otherwise.  I kissed her forehead an extra time or two.  I felt the weight of her in my arms and delighted at the way her tiny hand rested on my chest.  I let her fall asleep and I snuggled and held her.  Because I can, and because I won't always be able to.

And I took a moment to be thankful that - at least for today - my baby is exactly that: my baby. 

Seen and Unseen

As a mother, my greatest mystery and delight is imagining who our baby will grow up to be. 

One of my favorite parts of having  a 6 month old is seeing Leah's personality emerge more and more everyday.  She is curious, inventive, determined, funny, and above all, happy. 

Some things about her personality are, of course, her very own. 

For example, her crazy ability and desire to move.  Anywhere, everywhere.  It's been with her since the day she was born, that strong baby who lifted up her head 20 minutes after being welcomed into the world, and who rolled over at 9 days old.  That's just an intrinsic part of who she is. 

 
Or the love and comfort she receives from sucking.  She took to nursing right away, which makes sense, seeing as she'd been practicing in the womb since at least 12 weeks... pretty much as soon as she had thumbs!  We're no nearer giving up her paci now than we were when she was born.  It's just a part of her, as natural as the fact that she *still* has no hair. 

Or the fact that she's still not all that thrilled with being held by strangers, or even not-so-strangers.  I remember telling people in the hospital on the day she was born that Leah didn't like the transfer between on person to another.  She would cry when she was handed off, and then as soon as it was over, she got comfy and quieted down.  Although she will go to the people who know her best, it's more like she tolerates it, but doesn't particularly enjoy being held by anyone but Mom and Dad. 

The older she gets, though, the more I begin to see little hints that Casey and I may actually have had something to do with shaping her personality.  It's amazing to watch!  All those little things we did when she was tiny and couldn't react to what I was doing... I'm discovering that they have affected her, too!

She loves music!  When I was pregnant, I played Carrie Underwood's "American Girl" in the car on the way to work nearly every day.  I noticed when Leah was little and absolutely hated the car that if I played anything by Carrie Underwood, it would often help soothe her.  While I was on maternity leave, we turned on music and danced around the living room almost every day.  And now, at 6 months, she smiles and giggles when I sing "If you're happy and you know it," the alphabet song, and practically anything from The Wiggles... she loves it!  I even catch her "singing along," in her little way. 

She is a good self-soother.  I hear her in her crib at night talking to herself, playing by herself and contenting herself with herself until she falls asleep, which is a really big deal!  Especially because...

...She's a total Momma's girl.  I think, in part, she was always going to be a momma's girl.  Truth be told, though, I've probably helped it along.  Never intentionally.  At first, it was just that I was the one who was best able to comfort her.  As time went on, it became routine for me to soothe her - in fact, we had a difficult time for a while because she relied entirely too much on me to soothe her.  Now, we've reached a very happy medium, but she is still my little buddy.  And I sure do love that girl!

More than anything else, she is a sweet, happy and mello baby.  And, while I thank God for giving us a baby who is naturally that way, I also begin to see the ways in which Casey and I have contributed to helping her personality develop in that way. 

People always say that babies are like little spunges who absorb everything around them.  For the first several months of her life, it was difficult to tell what she was absorbing and what she wasn't.  It is such an amazing gift to see that she has been listening, watching and learning all this time, and is whole and healthy and happy as a result. 

It is such a stark reminder to me that I have to watch what I say, how I act and how I respond regardless of how much sleep I've had or what kind of a day it has been, because although in some ways she is who she is, her personality is developing every moment.   

So far, I'd say we're all doing okay...

I love you from your toes to your face

I, Melissa,

take you Casey

to be my wedded husband.

I take you for your strengths and your weaknesses.

I will laugh with you in happy times and support you in difficult times.

I will share with you the joys and the sorrows,

the challenges and the successes

which we will encounter in our lives.

I will love and honor you,

respect you, encourage you and cherish you,

all the days of my life.

Happy Anniversary.  Best.TwoYears.Ever.

Friday

So, I must admit that I didn't exactly hold up my end of the bargain.  I didn't make a whole week's worth of meals.  Instead, I copped out on Thursday and had left over chicken pasta, because A) I was tired, and B) we had a ton of it left over.  It was still yummy!

Friday
Shredded Pork Burritos

This is my newest, easiest, ingenious-est recipe!  It's a little sad how easy it is to make, but absolutely de-lish nonetheless!  Throw it in the crock pot in the morning and forget it!

1lb pork shoulder ribs (roughly 3 individual ribs)
1 yellow onion, thinly sliced
1 8oz jar salsa verde (I used the Archer's Farm brand from Target because it was on sale - worked like a charm)
2 anaheim chiles, sliced and seeded to desired spiciness (or a small jar of jalepenos would work here too)

1. Spray bottom of slow cooker lightly with olive oil.  Layer onions on bottom of crockpot, followed by pork shoulder.
2.  Add salsa verde and chiles/jalepenos.  Cook on low approx 8 hours. 
3. WALK AWAY smiling to come back to a deliciously scented house!  Shred and serve in tortillas with any combination of the following: cheese, sour cream, avocado, beans, rice, tomatos or other desired fixins.  YUM!

*No picture was taken of tonight's meal, as it simply disappeared too quickly!