Saturday, July 13, 2013

Confessions of a scaredy cat

When I tell people about Casey's new gig and the fact that he's going to be out of town a lot, I always get this reaction:

"I don't know how you do it!  That sounds really hard!"

Okay.  I guess.  But it is what it is, and you kinda just do what you have to do, ya know?  We all rise to challenges and figure out ways to overcome them.  And that's totally how I feel about Casey being gone.  I'm okay like 95% of the time on my own.

But (cue total moment of embarrasing admittance) I suffer occassionally from... wait for it... paranoia.  And, I might also be afraid of the dark.

Me during the day: calm, cool, relaxed, totally not worried.

Me at night: Human version of a chihuahua hyped up on 'roids convinced that that girl from The Ring is going to come out of the TV every time I change the channel and absolutely positive the shadow on my lawn is actually some Norman Bates wanna be serial killer coming to hack me with a chainsaw.

You know all those horror movies where the girl is washing her face, and then when she opens her eyes there is someone standing behind her, waiting to murder her?  That happened to me.    ....Alright, so it didn't actually happen to me, but God knows it could if I wash my face when it's dark and I'm home alone. 
It's a constant conundrum. 
What's that?  You think I should have outgrown such childish behavior?  Well, let me just remind you about what always happens to "that guy" who's all, there's no such thing as (insert scary horror movie character here).  Don't be such a scaredy cat.  That's right.  That guy always bites it.  Now you feel bad, right? 
So I find crazy reasons to stay awake.  Hmmm, interesting.  I seem to have placed Pride and Prejudice next to Anna Karenina.  Better stay up and re-alphabetize all these books.  OOOOOH!  Look what's on TV!  I could so totally use a set of new towels with cats on them. 
Anything to avoid turning out the light.  Because, you know, lights are total murderer deterrant.
And God help us all if a door should mysteriously (aka harmlessly because of air flow through the hallway) open or close.  That's an obvious sign of a ghost/demon/zombie/all three.
There's prescription drugs available for this, I'm fully aware.  It's just that somewhere in my formative years I developed a love of horror movies and mysteries.  Which is why, like a chump I watch the zombies even though they literally keep me up at night, most especially when my husband is away. 
I'm trying to filter out these types of movies and TV shows, because I'm pretty sure they're a lethal cocktail for my overactive imagination.  And I NEED SLEEP!!!  Of course, two nights in a row I watched Kevin Bacon take on a women-killing serial killer (darn you, Kevin Williamson) because I like it even though it's totally campy and makes me jump at every noise.  Gah. 
Evidently, I'll never learn. 
So if you're ever awake at 3 a.m., think of me.  Because chances are I'll be awake due to some nondescript noise that would never haven woken me if Casey was here.  And probably also biting my nails and hiding under the covers. 
Besides, if I pull the covers up, no harm can come to me.  That's the rule.

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