"B" is for Blessings

My daughter is sleeping only a few feet away from me, bundled up on the chest of my wonderful husband.

Yes... my daughter.

She has been alive for almost 28 hours, and I am convinced that she must be the most beautiful, loved and wanted baby on the face of the planet.

After 28 hours of life, she is:

• 7lbs 9 oz - down a tiny bit from the 7-12 she was at birth
• A great sucker - she nurses beautifully and without any difficulty about every 2 hours
• An awesome pooper - 5 dirty diapers so far (yes, these are the perks of being a mom!)
• A good sleeper - she slept for 4 hours straight last night before I woke her up to nurse
• Strong - she can already lift her head up for several seconds at a time
• Gorgeous - okay, so I get to be completely biased. That is a mommy's priviledge and right!
• Safe
• Healthy
• Loved

After 28 hours of my daughter's life, I am:

• Sore - c-section was amazingly easy, I will post more about that later. Recovery is another story.
• Strong - I didn't get to have my natural delivery, so I have to be tough in other ways!
• Grateful, grateful, grateful. For my husband, who is my partner in all things. For my family, who are wonderful and supportive. For my beautiful, darling daughter, who is incredible beyond words.
• The happiest I have every been!

Welcome to the world, Leah Madeline!

• 

The left-overs

There are a few miscellaneous pictures that I have been meaning to post but haven't gotten around to it. Nothing terribly significant, just some fun little memories here and there that I wanted to hold on to.

Without further ado, here are some much loved left-overs that never quite made it into my posts.

See... not everything is about the baby. Okay, mostly everything is, but it's also fun to come home to some cute doggie faces on a cold day!

My sister's 21st birthday dinner! Hard to believe she is 21...



Good thing there is no family resemblance.

Daddy with another brand-new baby thing!


It looks complicated...

...but Casey always gets there in the end!

On the way to the pool, trying to get Baby Girl to flip around.

One of the beautiful mementos from my work shower... LOVE it!

My lovely, lumpy, off-center baby belly.

I do love my view looking down! Even when she manages to get herself crammed into a tiny section of my belly!

Lasts...

It has been very strange to know the date of our baby's arrival. It makes everything a little more poigniant (okay, a LOT more!)

For example, we are viewing quite a few things through a new lense:

This weekend was our last weekend as a family of two.

We saw Andrew and Jessica for the last time before they are "Uncle Andrew" and "Auntie Jessica."

I had my last coffee with Jessica before I have an entourage; the next time I see her, I'll have a beautiful baby girl in my arms and not my belly!

Today was my last day of work.

Tomorrow, Casey and I will have our last date night.

We will go to bed for the last time just the two of us (maybe that should actually read: we will go to bed and sleep through the night for the last time!)

It will be my last day being pregnant... I have mixed emotions about that one.

It is such a bizarre feeling to know a) that the baby will actually be here in such a short amount of time; b) how vastly different life is about to become!

Better than that, though, is that after we finish with all of these "lasts," we get to experience an amazing array of firsts!

Safety First

Today, our afternoon consisted of:

Preparing...

Inspecting...

Double checking...

Feeling triumphant...

And looking forward to a very big day!

How to turn a breech baby (...or nearly die trying)

For the record, these are the things we have attempted over the last week as we tried to get Baby Girl to turn around and face the world:

1. Visualization and talking to the baby. Result: this worked brilliantly the first time. Baby moved until she was fully transverse (sideways) in the belly, but then she settled back into the wrong position.

2. Laying upside down on the ironing board, which was partially propped up on the couch. Result: It was difficult to breath, I was afraid the ironing board would break in half, and it made me feel like a total goofball.

3. Having Daddy read to my...er... let's call it "pelvis." Result: Baby moved a lot, just around in the same spot.

4. Pool activities: Standing on my head underwater, floating on my belly, having Casey hold me underwater at the bottom of the pool, and pelvic tilts. Result: The old people in the therapy pool thought I was out of my mind, while I'm pretty sure the lifeguards were convinced I was trying to borrow their pool for a water birth.

5. Playing music to "the area" (aka headphones down my pants). Result: I don't want to wear the headphones ever again...

6. Ice and Heat. Icing the top of baby's head while using a heating pad down low to encourage her to turn. Result: The top of my belly was very cold.

7. Daddy using his "commanding voice" to tell the baby to move. Result: Baby moved, but will probably now need therapy from being yelled at in-utero.

8. Moxibustion - a fancy term for an accupuncture point on the outside of the little toe. This process involved burning an incense stick (which looked like a cigar) as close to the pressure point as possible. Result: To my intense surprise, Baby moved a TON during this process, but only ever got as far as being transverse before settling back into her favorite, head up-butt down position. Also, my master bathroom has smelled like marijuana for three days. We did get the sticks from a doc in Boulder...

9. Pelvic tilts. An exercise designed to help babies turn which involves being on all fours and doing the cat/cow position. Result: My hands and ab muscles got a little tired.

10. Chiropractic adjustment to make sure the pelvis is in alignment so that baby has the max amount of room available. Result: Supposedly my legs and hips are better aligned, but after being slammed up and down on a table, I was mostly just really, really sore and cranky.

All in all, nothing we tried seemed to work. All of it sounded good in theory (although it felt totally ridiculous in practice!), and there were definitely a few times Baby legitimately started to move around (the thing that worked best: Mommy talking to her and encouraging to move. Go figure!).

For whatever reason, though, our baby is just not meant to come into the world the "natural" way as we had planned, and that is completely okay. I feel content with the fact that we did everything we could to do what we thought was best for her, and now that means making her entrance into the world as safe and happy as possible.

We love you Baby, and we can't wait to meet you!!!!!!!

Wanna have a baby?

March 10, 2010

...is the best day EVER!!!!

Why, you ask?

Because that is the day we will welcome our daughter into the world!!!

Yes, it is a bit different than the way we had planned. Baby is still breeched (despite our best efforts - more to come on that later), so we have scheduled a C-section. We will meet the sweet little pumpkin next Wednesday - in 5 days! WOW!

It is an extremely odd feeling, knowing when she will be here. She will be exactly one week early, born at 39 weeks.

I am absolutely elated. I have completely come to terms with the c-section idea; it's certainly not ideal, but however she gets here, Casey and I know that we are hugely blessed and grateful to have her.

I get to be a mommy in 5 days!!!

Why parenting is hard...

Unfortunately, I am sure it won't be the last time that I forget that my daughter is perfect just the way she is. Considering that she isn't even here yet, it was definitely the first time.

Casey and I spent the better part of Saturday at a pool in Littleton engaging in a variety of interesting strategies and positions as we attempted to get the baby to turn around. Yes, I am sure the other pool patrons thought we were crazy, particularly when I was doing handstands in the water, or when Casey was holding me down by the shoulders so that I could sit on the bottom of the pool.

None of these seemed to have any effect, though. Baby Girl is still sitting with her head up, looking out at the world.

After spending a fair amount of time on Sunday lying on my back on our ironing board, which was propped up so that my rear was above my head, I was feeling pretty defeated when it came to trying to get the baby turned.

I was afraid I might feel disappointed and resentful that her birth didn't go the way I had imagined. I was even feeling a little mad at myself for being unable to get her turned. Those are very much not the emotions with which I wish to welcome my baby.

Most of all, I was afraid.

What if, after waiting so long for this little girl, I don't recognize her? What if, as a result of having a C-section, she doesn't feel like my daughter? After all, mommies are supposed to have to labor (in the literal and mental sense of the word) in order to bring a baby into the world. If, after all these months, all I have to do is lie there on an operating table, will it still feel like I did my job as her mother?

I struggled with all of these questions all weekend long. I cried a lot, and I prayed for acceptance - which, upset as I was, seemed like a lost cause.

After many tears shed and a great deal of soul searching, I realized that I have been looking at it all wrong. I have considered the fact that she is flipped as a problem that needed to be solved.

It turns out... it's not. Because my baby is perfect just exactly the way she is. I am ashamed to say that I forgot that.

This whole time, I have had such peace about the thought of labor. My reasoning is a) I feel ready for it physically and mentally. I am actually excited for the prospect. More than that, though, I trust the baby, I trust God, and I trust myself.

Finding out the baby was breeched felt a little like being betrayed by all of the above parties.

I don't believe in coincidences. If she is sitting the way she is sitting, she is there for a reason. Her version of what is right and mine might not match up - isn't that the very reason parenting is difficult? - but part of being the mother is accepting who (or in this case, where) my child is.

I would still like her to change position. I still think that the natural path is the easiest one for both of us, and I will still do everything in my power to make that happen. If, though, at the end of the day, she chooses a different way, my baby is no less perfect, loved or wanted.

She is still my beautiful, amazing, blessing-child, regardless of whether she takes the path I would prefer.

And so I think that I have come to terms with the idea of having a C-section. It is not my ideal, but I will be brave, put myself aside and step up to do what is right for my daughter, because she is so worth it! I hope I can do a better job of remembering that fact!