Monday, May 24, 2010

Behind the Scenes

I totally stole this idea from another blogger (thanks, Cindy!). Even though I love to blog, and I try very hard to be honest in my blogs, there are many things you don't see behind the scenes.

So, today, my blog is dedicated to all the things that I haven't written for various reasons; a "behind the scenes" look at my life behind the blog.

What you don't see in my blogging is...

Someone who, even two and half months later is not physically recovered from my c-section.

Someone who could very easily slip into the role of mother, disregarding all the other hats I should be wearing.

Someone who is addicted to TV. Even when I have no idea what's on and I'm not even watching it, the TV is always on in our house.

Someone who is filled with fear, so much that it keeps me awake at night.

Someone who has immense guilt over that fear.

Someone who is afraid that I've become too accustomed to being happy. I no longer think I could handle tragedy and come out sane on the other side the way I did when I was younger.

Someone who has cried more in the last year - from happiness, from frustration, from fear, from the gravity of the beautiful life I have been charged with, but mostly from happiness - than ever before in my life (and that's saying something!).

Someone who has always loved her body, but HATES how everything is just bigger these days.

Someone who has extremely conservative values when it comes to my child.

Someone who loves going to church, but doesn't go regularly.

Someone who always tries to do the right thing, expects others to do the same, and is disappointed when they don't.

Someone who is surprised by how great a toll having a baby takes on a marriage, even when the marriage is strong. (And I hate to think of what would have happened without a strong marriage!)

Someone who is struggling to find a balance in my new life.

Someone who isn't always patient, especially with the people who love me.

Somone who has a very hard time living in the moment.

Someone who desperately craves time with my husband.

Someone who loves to take naps!

Someone who re-reads and re-watches favorite books and movies dozens of times.

Someone who spends too much money at Starbucks.

Just a few of the things that make up my life, but that I don't always talk about.

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