Discouraged

I know we have so much to celebrate, and I should not be feeling somewhat sad and discouraged at a time like this.

But today, I am.

We had our week 37 appointment, and - for the second week in a row - Baby Girl is breeched.

Yes, breeched. As in, her butt is down and her head is up, which means that she can't be delivered in any way besides C-section.

Sigh.

We have known this since last week. Sometime between the week 34 appointment and the week 36 appointment, Baby changed position so that her head was out of the pelvis (the good, thumbs up position).

I truly thought we had corrected this. On the way home from the doctor's office last week, I had one of the most amazing experiences. I sat quietly in the car, rubbed my belly and talked to the baby. I told her that she really needed to work with mommy, because she was sitting in the wrong position. I asked her to move her head over...

And she did!

I kept this up for about a half an hour, and before I knew it, Baby Girl was actually sitting sideways (head on the left, butt on the right) inside my belly. It was absolutely incredible! It was even visible from the outside - Casey was able to see how stretched out I was, so I know I'm not just making it up. I had tears absolutely streaming down my face. I was in complete awe that she would be so responsive to me.

Sadly, though, at that point I lost track of her movements. I tried to encourage her to keep going and actually flip. I honestly thought we had accomplished it... Casey and I were even feeling her hiccup down low, and could hear her heart beat down low, even though we went back and forth all week playing the "which body part is up?" game.

Evidently, I was wrong.

I know I should be grateful that the most important things are still intact. Baby Girl is fine and healthy, and C-sections are obviously extremely common and not a big deal.

The doctor even said, as if it were a bonus, that I wouldn't have to go through all the uncertaintly of labor.

Is it weird that I'm actually really excited for all the uncertainty of labor? I feel like I've been training for a marathon that now I might not get to run. I want to feel my daughter come into this world, and I have been looking forward to that moment for 8 and a half months. And part of me is a little heartbroken that this might not be in the cards.

There are a few things left to try. If she doesn't "right" herself in the next week, then we have to schedule a C-section for week 39. I guessed that Baby would be a week early... I just never imagined it would be this way.

I am trying to be strong and grateful and keep my eye on the prize. Probably, none of this will matter in 6 months (or even 1 or 2!) once she is actually here. I hope that's true... because today it seems difficult and discouraging.

Baby Showers

I had intended to post this on Sunday, the day after our baby shower, but I found myself too tired even to do that... I'm not really sure what that means, except that I just might be 20 days away from having a baby!

We have had some very wonderful days, filled with wonderful memories since finding out we are pregnant. But I have to say, one of the very most wonderful was last Saturday, the day of our baby shower.

It was thrown by one of my dearest friends, and we hosted it at our house. It was a little "untraditional," since the shower was co-ed, but somehow that added to the fun.

Jessica did a beautiful job. The food was all childhood themed - she made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and brought Goldfish and Teddy Grahams. The punch was made from Hawaiian Punch and Sprite, and she served juice boxes. Such a cute idea!

One of my favorite memories was coming down the stairs after giving a tour of the nursery to a living room which was filled to the brim with friends and family. Ours is not a huge house by any means, but I felt so happy and humbled to see so many people we love, and who love us and will love our daughter, assembled in one place. It was awesome.

And I now understand why men are not invited to baby showers... besides showing up with a 24 pack of alcohol, our male friends took it upon themselves to reinvent the clothespin game (you know, the one where if you say the word "baby" someone can take your clothespin?) by hiding approximately 50 of them throughout our house. We have been finding clothespins in the most peculiar places... like underneath the lid of the toilet, or on the front of our house pinned to the nail we use only at Christmas time to hang our wreath (which means about 15 feet off the ground!).

Casey and I were also amazed and grateful for the outpouring of love for the baby. I think we will be quite well equpped to meet her needs after such a wonderful day!

B is for Before and After

What could possibly be worth months of effort, energy and time?

Why, a baby's room, of course!!!!

We had our shower yesterday, and it was absolutely incredible. I feel grateful and humbled and lucky to have such amazing, talented and generous friends. I will write more about it later, as my plan after such a big day is to recoup on the couch. I seem to have to do a lot more of that recently!

One of the many highlights for me was being able to finally share our labor of love (our first one, anyway!) with our friends and family.

So, without further ado, here is the blogging debut of Baby Girl's nursery (and, if you look carefully, you'll be able to spot a little preview of her name!).

Before...

After...

We think she'll be quite comfortable here!

30 days!

Thirty days and counting...

It is such a strange, miraculous thing, how life progresses. It is absolutely amazing to me that we have 30 days left until D-day. I feel very content with things going forward. Completely out of my element and totally unsure what the future holds... but still very content!

It is crazy to me to think back to how vastly different our lives were at this time last year. So, in the spirit of reminiscing, here is a little look at how hugely life can change in twelve short months.

Last year:

I had just finished my Masters degree and was subbing - mostly at elementary schools, because they were more fun - and worrying about finding a job.

This year:

I am almost finished with my first full year of teaching in my own classroom at a middle school, which I absolutely adore. Although, because of budget cuts across the state of Colorado, I may still soon be worrying about finding a job... but that's a post for another day!

Last year:

Valentine's Day was wonderful, and for whatever reason, we both decided last year to actually celebrate the day. It was our first "real" romantic celebration of Valentine's in the six years we had been together. Casey had a wonderful surprise in store for me:

Including a beautiful pair of diamond earrings! I also "cooked" up a little something for him:

This year:

Casey spent the day putting the final finishing touches on the nursery and the basement, while I laid on the couch all day in my PJ's, exhausted from a VERY long, busy week, and of course our awesome (but no less exhausting) trip to the museum. 8 months pregnant + 5 hours of walking = one very tired mommy-to-be.

Last year:

I was busy plotting and planning Jessica's bridal shower.

This year:

She is preparing to throw me a baby shower!

Last year:

Casey and I had been secretly married for about four and a half months.

This year:

Publically married - and thankfully, gleefully, whole-heartedly glad to have that behind us so we can move on to the next phase of life.

Last year:

One big concern: my weight. I was working out 4-5 times a week and lost 15 or maybe 20 pounds between January and June. Yay, me! Jessica and I even ran the Bolder Boulder, which I haven't done since high school.

This year:

Well, at least some things never change! Weight is still a big concern, but now it's piling on in the other direction!

Last year:

I was very much struggling with the issue of getting pregnant. I wanted nothing more in the world than to have a baby. After a miscarriage - no, I don't know that I have talked about this before, nor do I intend to dwell on it with such happy news on the way - in September of 2008, I was feeling extremely hopeless about the situation.

Casey and I had decided that the most practical thing to do would be to wait until the summer of 2010 to try again, and I was having a hugely hard time with it. It was a wise decision (one I'm SOOOOO grateful did not come to pass!) given all of the things we had in store for 2009 (wedding, first year at a new school, etc).

But, it was unspeakably hard a year ago to imagine waiting that long. I was afraid it might not be possible for us to have a family, and that thought haunted me every day. I remember crying and telling Casey how much I wanted to start our family. The worst day was going to Babies-R-Us for a friend's shower and completely breaking down, sobbing in the middle of the store. As happy as I was for her new family, I could not look at those precious little baby things without my own heart absolutely breaking.

If only I had known then that our own little miracle was on her way!

After months and months of pleading, I finally wore Casey down. We knew that, since I was teaching, we wanted a spring baby. When the summer months came, bringing with them that tiny window that would accommodate a spring baby, I wanted desperately to get pregnant. As far as I am concerned, it was just meant to be, because, somehow, everything just seemed to come together against all odds. This wonderful little bundle was always meant to be ours.

And here we are... thirty days away from meeting her.

We'll see you soon, Baby Girl!

Baby Things

With the baby shower only a week away, here are a few more clues before we actually reveal:

Clue #1:

Okay, so there's really no mystery here. It's a blanket, crochetted by my favorite former-teacher, who was also the officiant at our wedding. I absolutely treasure it, but how does it fit in???

Clue #2:

Clue #3:

I am getting so excited! My mom came up on Friday to see the nursery and help me finish it off. I'm waiting on a couple of things that I ordered off the internet to arrive, and once those get here, it is complete!

It really is my favorite room in the house. I so appreciate the time, love and care that Casey put into creating it. Like so many things in our lives, I love that it is the culmination of both our unique sets of ideas and talents; in other words, neither of us could have done it without the other. That's such a microcosm for our lives, and very, VERY appropriate for the little miracle we're awaiting!!

Outting

Today, Casey and I put everything else on hold. After weeks and weeks of projects, rennovating, baby-prepping and readying, we decided we needed a day off. So to fill the time, we went...

...to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science!

It might not have been the most relaxing choice, but it was certainly a fun one.

I always love going to the museum! From the moment you walk in the door, it's a WOW.

I love the exhibits,

although some of them were a little more difficult this year.

I love the Hall of Wildlife, which I find absolutely fascinating and fun to look at each time we go.

I love to take a walk through the past in Prehistoric Journey.

But the exhibit I saw the most of on this particular trip was...

...perhaps not the most glamorous!

Most of all, though, it was fun to spend the day with my husband, and to dream a little dream of the future. I was the only pregnant lady there (shocking, considering all the walking!), but there were tons of new families. This is something I can't wait to do with Baby Girl!

Speaking of the little pumpkin, she was absolutely awesome through the whole thing. The doctor told us that a good rule of thumb for her sleep/wake pattern is that she should be sleeping when I am moving, and moving when I'm stationary.

I have to say, I truly beg to differ. Baby Girl seems to keep up almost pace-for-pace with whatever my schedule is. She sleeps during the night, except when I wake her because I have to get up or change position. She moves during the day as I move around, and that was expecially true today!

The little one had a serious case of the wiggles for all 4 hours we were at the museum. I admit, for the first time in 8 months, I did have a Coke with lunch (yay, sugar and caffeine!). Even before that though, she seemed to sense or somehow pick up on my excitement about going to the museum, because she could not sit still! I love it, and I think it is unspeakably cool that the baby seems so in-synch with me.

All in all, a wonderful day filled with awesome memories!