Thursday, May 26, 2011

My Act of Faith

I got a few interesting comments about my trying to get pregnant post.

One of them shook me a little.  The gist of it was this:

Why are you telling everybody about this?  This is so personal!  Nobody wants to hear about your sex life!

And to that I have to reply: I have no intention of telling you about my sex life.  That is personal.

So why am I writing about trying to get pregnant? 

Because last time, I was all about the fear.  The worry.  The despair.  The desperate hope that I could get pregnant and carry a baby.  Each day before I got pregnant felt like a battle between my head and my heart.  When I did get pregnant, I fought that fear again, pushing it down and trying to have faith.  And let's not even get into the struggles I faced in battling fear after she was born.

This time around, I'm trying to be a whole new Melissa. 

This Melissa is all about celebrating.  Celebrating the process.  Celebrating when it happens.  Celebrating whatever happens with my pregnancy, should we get that far. 

And, although I won't announce it to massive amounts of people - I'm talking to you, Facebook - I won't hide my pregnancy through the first trimester because I'm worried about loosing the baby.

If it doesn't end the way I want it to, I'll deal with that too.  Not to say I wouldn't be devastated and heartbroken, because I will.  But I know that sometimes, God's blessings and mercy are demonstrated, not in the light of our lives, but in the darkest hours.  (And, with any luck, you won't have to remind me that I said all of this.)

Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Fear is banished.  Faith is in. 

Besides... things worked out pretty darn well last time, if I do say so myself!

Bringing you along on this journey?  That is my act of faith.

1 comment:

  1. I admire you! i love your outlook on it, i hope some of that rubs off on me :) Good luck, can't wait to hear the good news!


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